The Object of Beauty Page #3

- All right.

You never can tell.

She's put a little weight

and he's grown a beard.

Well, better that than the other way around.

Better that than the other way around.

Well, look after yourself, Tina.

What I was attempting to say is that...

...it would have been odd had she grown

the beard and he'd put on the weight.

But, maybe I didn't make it clear.

I said it twice to try and make sure.

Don't take it like that, Jake.

You don't care.

And you know he hates you.

- Why? I don't hate him.

You're very big hearted.

I'll always remember that.

Now that's a good idea, and it

doesn't cost anything.

Shut that bloody row.

Turn off that bloody racket

I'll call the police.

Turn it off or I'll come down and

sort you out myself, you bugger.

Please, turn it off.

Well thanks bloody much.

It's about bleedin' time, too.

I need mineral water.

Dark is best.

God, water.

Room service, please answer.

Please answer.

Hello? Is this the concierge,

hall porter or front desk?

Ah, Front Desk. There's an emergency

up here in Room 327.

Yes. Yes. Room Service does not answer...

...and we need a dozen bottles of

Perrier up here right away.

I know it's three o'clock in the

morning, but this is an emergency.

Trinidad rum punch, stingers,

red wine, champagne.

Jesus, how do you do it, Tina?

Tina, could we please do it

on the bed tonight?

Tina?

Tina? Where are you?

Help me, help me.

I'm frightened.

My clothes are coming off and there's

nothing I can do to stop them.

Are you covered for this, Jake?

Are you covered?

I think you better call your insurance man.

Oh, call him. Quick.

You don't really need my insurance man.

I can handle this fine.

Will you still love when I'm broke?

Good thing this isn't broke.

But let's fix it, anyway.

What the hell is that?

- Don't stop, baby.

Hang on I'm coming.

- Me too.

Jake.

What do you want?

A dozen mineral water.

- Jake.

Come on in.

I won't see any of that, sir.

That'll go to the waiters.

I'm a desk man.

- Oh, Jesus.

Can I come out now, Jake?

- No.

Do you have change for a 20 Pound note?

- I'm afraid I don't, sir.

Tina, do you have change?

I don't know. Look in my purse.

Where is your purse?

- I don't know. The floor?

It's over there, sir.

Under the...

Nothing smaller than a ten.

Give it to him.

- What, are you crazy?

Oh, Christ. Hang on.

Thank you very much.

Goodnight, sir, madam.

Boy, am I thirsty.

Double thirsty.

You're going to be very popular with

the lads in Room Service.

'Room 327, I'll take it up. I hear

she tips good and might be naked.'

Don't be such a prude. The human

body's a beautiful thing.

So? Flash for me.

64 days. I was counting.

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