The Nut Job

SURLY:
When you're an animal,

life's a balancing act.

Each day is a quest to

find food to survive.

It's a tough nut to crack.

Wait, you think I'm one

of these dopey pigeons?

No, no, no, no, this is me.

The handsome one.

(COOING)

I got no problem with

my feathered friends.

In fact, I get a real

kick outta them.

(SQUAWKS)

They're really soft on the feet.

And they're always building

these little picnic baskets

that offer the occasional treat.

Apparently, not today.

Thanks for nothing.

(COOING)

At the end of the day, I'm

just like all you fine people.

I'm no hero.

I'm just a squirrel

trying to get a nut.

One bag of nuts, please.

And that's my buddy named,

well, Buddy.

He don't talk much.

Yeah, they say the world's

there for the taking.

So, that's just

what we're gonna do.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

RACCOON:
Come along. Please keep

that food coming, everyone.

That's it. All finds are valuable.

(MOLE GRUNTING)

Mole, what is our food level now?

MOLE:
Pickings are slim this year.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm sure we could rephrase.

MOLE:
(GRUNTS)

We're at starvation levels!

We're all gonna die!

(ANIMALS MURMURING)

Now, now, now,

have optimism, brethren.

Stiff upper lip, everyone.

Ah! Here we are, food.

(ALL GASPING)

I'm afraid this is the

wrong kind of nut. Hmm...

Shiny.

(CHIRPING)

What's that? A nut cart?

A nut cart?

A nut cart? My eyes!

RACCOON:
This could be

our salvation for winter.

Andie!

I'm on my way.

You won't regret this.

Uh-uh-uh.

Grayson is going with you.

With all due respect, sir, I can

do this on my own. I don't...

Grayson!

Ole!

(ALL SIGHING)

Chicks dig the tail.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

RACCOON:
Help Andie retrieve as many

nuts from that cart as possible.

For the park!

ALL:
For the park!

Oh! What she said.

And above all, keep a wary

watchful eye out for you-know-who.

No! Not him!

Yes, him.

Ho, ho, ho, come to daddy.

Hey, mack, you know where

the Oakton Bank is?

Oh, thanks.

(HORNS HONKING)

Where'd you learn to drive?

MAN:
Moron!

(CLICKING)

(YAWNS)

(CONTINUES CLICKING)

GIRL:
Hey, mister!

I want some nuts.

Scram, kid, we're closed.

The sign says you're open!

Burn rubber.

Did you hear me? I want nuts!

FINGERS:
You want nuts?

GIRL:
Nuts!

We got to get those nuts before the

rest of the park gets in on this.

Let's go over the plan.

That's us, there's the cart,

we rob the cart and then stuff

ourselves silly all winter.

(BUDDY WHISTLING)

What are you looking at?

Great. We got company.

Okay, we got to move.

Get in the pail.

Officer, that man,

he assaulted me with nuts.

- Oh, no.

- GIRL:
It was horrible.

Now, listen,

Officer, that is not...

I need to see your vendor permits.

There it is.

Enough food to feed the park

for the entire winter.

That dog will make

it difficult, though.

Grayson? Grayson?

- Quiet. (SNIFFING)

- ANDIE:
What are you doing?

I'm smelling for any sign of

that rascal, Surly Squirrel.

Picking up rather

strange scents, though.

Cashews, man musk,

(SNEEZES) dog hair.

I knew it. You stay here.

Honestly, woman, I am still

the park hero around here!

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Which reminds me, why haven't

you asked me out on a date?

Oh.

(LAUGHS)

(SNIFFING)

I smell a rat.

What are you doing here, Surly?

(SCREAMS)

FINGERS:
Do you like cashews?

You want some cashews?

Who needs a permit

when you got nuts?

Great. So, you're

after this nut cart, too, huh?

Of course I am. The park needs it.

Well, too late, sister. Amscray.

Buddy and I got here first,

and I ain't sharing.

Oh, yes, you are.

Fall's half over and the park's

having the worst shortage in years.

That nut cart can feed everyone.

Hey, we'll work together.

We can work out a deal.

Uh, pass me that

metal thingy, will you?

(GROANS)

I just... I don't get it.

You have all the drive and ability

to help the park,

but you never do.

You know, this is a chance to

prove Raccoon is wrong about you.

I don't care what Raccoon thinks.

Well, then do it for the park. Stop

thinking about yourself all the time.

Look, I'm independent

and that means

looking out for number one.

I suggest you do the same

if you want to survive.

Got that?

I feel sorry for you, Surly.

A-ha!

Found him, Andie!

In a tree, no less.

Very crafty, Surly.

I shall now arrest you

before you interfere

with the park's nut cart caper.

It's okay, Grayson. I got him.

No, Grayson, she doesn't.

You better help her.

Well, you! I'm gonna...

Hey, Sugar Ray,

take the gloves off.

I'm just gonna rip your tail off.

Now, how about that date?

Listen, I'd love to keep chatting,

but I got a date with destiny.

Destiny, do I know her?

Buena suerte, chumps!

That was thrilling!

(GROANS)

That was painful.

(SIGHS)

This is going to end up bad.

LUCKY:
Excuse me, Officer.

I happen to have

seen the whole thing.

This little girl might be

exaggerating a little bit...

I am not!

(GROANING)

FINGERS:
Did you see that?

You're my witness.

LUCKY:
Did you see that, Officer?

FINGERS:
Yeah. Yeah,

she assaulted me, Officer!

I'm just an innocent citizen.

Aren't I right?

(SIGHS)

Aww, great.

(BARKING)

(GRUNTS)

(SNARLS)

Bon apptit.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(GROWLS)

Hey, your cart, it's getting away.

Holy Toledo!

Amscray.

(LAUGHING TRIUMPHANTLY)

Uh-oh.

Nuts!

What a woman!

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERS)

(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)

That just cost you 10%.

(SIGHS)

Ole! Did I save the day?

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