The Night We Never Met

Synopsis: Sam has a problem with his roommates: they are disgusting, and don't seem to share his views on responsibility, privacy, and basic hygiene. Such is his discomfort with his living arrangements that he agrees to share the occupancy of another flat: he gets two nights a week, the owner (a sleazy frat-boy yuppie named Brian, soon to be married) and Ellen (a would-be painter seeking relief from her boring marriage) each get their separate nights in the flat. Things go extremely well until Sam and Brian swap nights without telling Ellen, who attributes the "nice" things that happen around the place to the slob Brian, while berating the responsible Sam for his hedonistic lifestyle.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Warren Leight
Production: HBO Video
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
99 min

Good morning, New York!

Chuck Barber here

with your sports update.

Recapping last

night's action...

The Yanks lost.

The Mets lost.

The Knicks lost.

The Nets lost.

In exhibition football...

Oh, man.

Only a sublet.

Only a sublet.


"Rare village charmer.

"Wood-burning 'firpoke'...

fireplace. "

It's probably a dump.

If it's not a dump,

it's probably gone.

If it's not gone,

there's a catch.

Yhere's always a catch.

# Oh, I used to ask

my mother #

# Would i ever find

true love? #

# She would tell me

# True love

# Mm-hmm

# Oh, yeah

# Is hard to find

# Mm-hmm

# So I've traveled on

# Everyone I came upon

# I would stop and ask,

they would tell me #

# "True love

# is hard to find"

# That's what they would say

# So years have passed

# And I'm all alone,

no longer do I #

You mind watching this for me?

# I just place my faith

# In five little words

# From way back in my past

# My mama said

# "Seek and you shall find"

# That's what mama said

# "Seek and you

shall find"

# 'Cause I know

if I keep trying #

# I can...

# 'Cause there's

no denying

# "Seek and you shall find"

# I know that's

what my mama said #

# "Seek and you shall find"

# Lord

# "Seek and you shall find"


# If it's love that

you're looking for #

# "Seek and you

shall find"

I'll take it.

# It might be right

around the corner #

# Seek

You must be

Mr. Lester.

It's perfect.


Hi, Sam.

Um, you know, Sam...

As I mentioned to you

on the phone,

it's a very unusual situation.

Well, it's...

It's just what

I'm looking for.

Mr. McVeigh is

getting married,

but he'd like to keep this

place and the furniture.

Tell me...

is the current tenant...

Oh, it's Brian McVeigh.

Is Brian color-blind?

Excuse me, madam.

No, it's okay.

It's my sister over here.

Hi, sweetheart.


Your hair's lighter.

Oh, shut up.

You look great.

Nice outfit.

Oh, this?

Matinee day.

Oh, my God.

You saw a play.

I am shocked. No.

No, I went shopping.


Bendel's is empty

on matinee day.

Of course.

How was work?

What could be new?

I came, I flossed, I polished.


So, what's the big news?

You're not pregnant.

Lucy, I'm a married woman.

You're not having an affair.

Get real.

Okay, you give up?

You give up.

All right.

"Rare village charmer"...

It's only two days a week,

but it could be like my own

what-do-you-call-it in the city.

Pied- -terre.

Yeah, whatever.

But... on tuesdays,

I... I... I could go to museums.

And... and on thursdays...

for shopping.

I could paint.


I could take an art class,

you know?

Mr. McVeigh would like

to offer you this place

two days a week

for $92 a month.


You mean you don't care that

it's just two days a week?

Well, no. actually, it's all

I can afford right now.


No, no, no. What I mean is...

I mean right now.

I'm already renting a place...

with roommates...

lots and lots of roommates.

Oh, well, then I'm sure

you'll enjoy some privacy

two nights a week.


Okay, now...

Brian keeps wednesdays

and fridays.

Tuesday nights and

thursday nights

have already been claimed.

So that leaves...

Well, so I'll take monday

and, um...

Saturday, in case I, uh,

want to go on a...

Well, not exactly a date,

but in case I...

In case you get lucky?

Brian, it's rented.

Mrs. Winkler...

I could kiss you.

I love this woman.

Okay, everybody,

I got an announcement.

I know there's been a lot

of rumors going around

that, uh, because of, uh...

because I'm...

Because she owns you.

Because of my betrothal,

I was going to give up...


The lion's den.

No. No. No.

Where there's a rent-controlled

lease, there's always a way.

So... what's the deal?

Well, two days a week...

T.G.I.F. and

wednesday-night poker.

Aah! Gimme, gimme,

gimme, gimme, yeah!


Who commerced?

A - a stewardess?

I don't even know them.

I had, uh, my secretary

set up an unequal three-way

time-sharing progression.



Yeah, right.

One's gonna paint...

and Mrs. Winkler

says the other one

is getting over

a - a broken heart.

Two years of my life.

What a waste.

I wonder how she's doing.

Oh, a mirror...

That's a little self-absorbed.

It's a reflection on our

narcissistic culture.


Sam, maybe you shouldn't

have come tonight.

I'm fine.

Adeeka, adeeka,

adeeka, adeeka.

La-di-da, la-di-da,

la-di-da, da-di-da.

My mother, my sister,

my mother, my sister.

What is she doing?


Oh! No!


Jesus Christ.

What is she doing?

It's... it's an expression

of her frustration

with the weight

of European history.



Ahh. Ahh.


Who's the little lobster?

Would you like some lobster?

Uncle Sam.

Would you dance with me, please?


What's that supposed to mean?

It's a symbol, Sam.



I thought it went over very well.

Bertrand missed his,

uh, lightning cues, the fool.

R - really?

I thought so.

But I don't think anybody

there noticed.

What does you know about art?

You know, pastel, I worry about

you walking home alone...


In the neighborhood.

I don't use a lecture now.

All right.

Oh, Sammy.

The old apartment.

Put the bag there.



You put some new posters

of yourself up.

I didn't want, uh,

memories of us, uh,

haunting me now that the place

is mine now, hmm?


Hey, um...

You want me to...

run downstairs

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote

Warren Leight

Warren Leight (born January 17, 1957) is an American playwright, screenwriter, film director and television producer. He is best known for his work on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Lights Out and the showrunner for In Treatment and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. His play Side Man was a finalist for the 1999 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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