The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)

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1

Eliza?

[Eliza] I'm thinking

about being vegetarian again.

- Eliza.

- Do you realize eating meat

is worse than driving an SUV

for a year?

- Eliza, am I fitting?

- [Horn honks]

- I'm parking, a**hole!

- [Horn honks]

- I can't believe that's true.

- It's true, dad.

I'll send you the podcast.

- I don't think I'm fitting.

- I'm telling you,

it's a big thing we can do

for the environment.

Let's look it up.

But not while I'm pulling this maneuver.

- It's too small a space.

- Sh*t.

[Horns honking]

What?

Put the mets game on.

I splurged and got the satellite.

- ["Head to toe" playing on radio]

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. Nice, turn it up.

[Eliza's father] head to toe

I know

Today started with a crazy kiss

On our way home

I put this on a tape for you

when you were, like, 12.

Cool.

Sh*t! Was that a spot?

- Yeah, he's taking it.

- How did I miss that?

- F***ing sh*t!

- Just go around.

We've been around.

I'm gonna go further east.

How did I do this wrong?

- It's okay, dad. We'll just garage it.

- Know how much it is to garage it here?

If we garage it, you can't go to college.

- I'll pay half.

- I'm not taking your money.

What's the matter with me?

I'm usually very good at this.

- It's okay.

- I'm an extremely good Parker.

I know.

Now, I'm getting gun-shy.

I'm overthinking it.

- Dad...

- it's hot.

- Wait until we're stopped!

- It's interfering with my mobility.

- Let me help you.

- These the people who were behind us?

- I don't know.

- Keep the jacket right-side up.

My wallet's in there.

- This song is distracting.

- It's too good.

Yeah, it is too good.

There's so much construction

in Manhattan.

They're just endlessly building.

I used to go dancing around here

at danceteria, me and your uncle Matthew.

- Now it's all banks.

- You guys went dancing together?

We went together,

we didn't dance together.

For a short time in the '80s,

we hung out.

I had moves, I'm telling you.

Is this a museum now?

Everything's glass.

Do you like the photographer

Cindy sherman?

Marcus and I went to

the Cindy sherman show at moma last week.

Yes, I like Cindy sherman.

What?

I told you about Cindy sherman

two years ago.

I don't remember.

I did, and you had absolutely no interest.

I don't know.

When Marcus tells you,

suddenly you listen?

I'm telling you,

I got good recommendations.

I mean, I have a few years on you.

- Was that a spot? What did the sign say?

- [Horn honking]

I'm trying to see.

- Quick, Eliza!

- I find parking signs confusing.

- What's today?

- This a**hole's on my tail.

- It was a good space.

- Can I back up?

- I don't think so.

- Sh*t, he's on my tail.

- I got to go around?

- We should really just garage it.

- Son of a b*tch!

- Dad, stop yelling in the car!

He cannot hear you, okay?

Only I can hear you.

Because it's "nobody can f***ing drive

day!" Hey! Shut the f*** up!

Yoo-hoo. Hello!

The outer door was ajar,

and the button on the foyer door

was unlocked and pushed in.

- Something smells weird.

- [Dog barks]

- Oh, wow! Hello! Hi!

- Down, Bruno! Bruno, down!

- Whose dog is this?

- Bruno!

Maureen and I bought him

from a very elegant apricot poodle farm

near the country house.

Dad, the outer door was left open,

and someone pressed the button in

on the foyer door.

Maureen is always doing something.

Maureen!

- You got to be more careful.

- Maureen!

Brune! Maureen!

This house isn't very big, but she never

seems to be able to hear me. Maureen!

- This isn't the country.

- What?

- Did you leave the front door open?

- For the con ed guy!

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