The Major and the Minor

Synopsis: New York working girl Susan Applegate is desperate to go home to Iowa but does not have the railway fare so she disguises herself as a child to ride half fare. Enroute she meets Philip Kirby, an Army major teaching at a military school.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Billy Wilder
Production: Paramount Pictures
  3 wins.
 
IMDB:
7.5
Rotten Tomatoes:
100%
PASSED
Year:
1942
100 min
24 Views

Yes?

To see Mr Osborne,

from the Revigora System.

Hair treatment and scalp massage.

Apartment 11A.

- Where to, sister?

- Eleven.

Mr Osborne, maybe?

Scalp treatment.

What's that?

Nothing, just...

What do you mean, just...

Ain't it awful the way a fellow's scalp

dries out this time of year?

Eleven.

First door to your right. Mind your step.

I'm here for Mr Osborne.

Well, I'm Mr Osborne. Come right in.

You're new with the Revigora System,

aren't you?

I just started this morning.

Well, let me help you.

Oh, thank you.

The Revigora System is certainly picking up.

Gladys was an excellent operator, but

A little earnest looking,

if you know what I mean.

Well, where are we going

to have the treatment?

Oh, anywhere. Anywhere around here.

We can talk about that later.

Here, let me help you.

I was just making myself

a lonely cocktail over there,

but now it looks

as if a double-double might be indicated

as a tribute to Revigora's improved taste.

And what might your name be, my dear?

Applegate.

- Just Applegate? Nothing in front?

- Miss.

Well, Miss, you make yourself comfortable.

You know what I always say

no matter what the weather is?

I say, "Why don't you get out of that wet coat

and into a dry martini?"

Dry martini, wet coat.

Are you sure you want your treatment here?

Oh, yes, anywhere.

Don't keep harping so on the treatment.

I'd offer you a whiskey sour,

but that would mean thinking up a new joke.

Oh, dear. Well, I really have

a very lonely time here Wednesday evenings.

That's when my wife goes to her drill,

you know. Air raid precautions.

She keeps telling me

we're going to get into this war.

Know what I told the Mayor?

I said, "My only regret is

that I have but one wife to give...

"I have but one wife to give to my country."

"Wife" instead of "life", you know?

Well, I really am a very lonely man.

My only son far away at school.

Not reform school,

although perhaps it should be.

What are you doing?

Really, Miss Applegate,

you shouldn't be so businesslike.

First, we're going to have

a little drinkey-poo, then a little bitey-poo,

then a little rhumba-poo.

You're going to have

a little scalp massagey-poo.

Oh, no, this is not the night

for a scalp massage,

and you're not the girl to give it.

Now, you know, we could make

beautiful music together, we two.

- About this tempo?

- Ow! That hurts.

Hard bristles.

I'm disappointed in you, Miss Applegate.

Gladys never used the hard bristles.

That's why you're losing so much hair.

I am not!

Bad case of dandruff, too.

I have not!

What are you doing now?

You're going to get an egg shampoo.

I am not!

My first night off,

and here I sit with egg on my head.

What are you going to do, scramble it?

Rather have an omelette?

Well, since you're going to be

so conscientious...

But after this is over, we will have a little fun,

won't we? Just a little?

I can't help it. It's the vibrator.

Just look, honey...

Maybe you'd rather have it here.

Oh, really, Miss Applegate,

I don't know how much influence

I have with your employers,

but I've been their good customer for quite

a number of years and so has my wife,

and I may have to report this.

- That would mean...

- Yes, I know what that means. The boot.

And when you're making your squawk,

you can tell them

to pick this up with the rest of their junk.

What's all the excitement?

No excitement. I'm just bored.

Bored?

I take a two-weeks course, learn all

about hair and the circulation of the blood.

I have to hock my things to join the union,

and what do I get?

An invitation to slip out of my wet coat,

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Charles Brackett

Charles William Brackett (November 26, 1892 – March 9, 1969) was an American novelist, screenwriter, and film producer, best known for his long collaboration with Billy Wilder. more…

All Charles Brackett scripts | Charles Brackett Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"The Major and the Minor" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 17 Oct. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_major_and_the_minor_20778>.

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