The Loved One

We are now about to land in

the world-famous city of Los Angeles.

Its name, translated from the ancient

Spanish, means "City of the Angels."

It is also the home of the

American motion-picture industry.

The City is of Night, perchance of Death

Twenty-thousand people arrive

here to settle every week.

They leave all hope behind who enter here

One certitude while sane they cannot leave

One anodyne for torture and despair

The certitude of Death

There, I'll get it, then. Would you look after

my little girl? Please, just for a moment.

But, madam.

That's all right. That's all right.

That's all right.

Mama will be right back.

Mama will be right back.

Kindly fasten your seat belts

and refrain from smoking, please.

Here, sit. Sit down.

Welcome back to the U.S.A.

Right through that door there.

Thank you.

Your passport, please.

"Dennis Barlow. Profession..."

A.I.D., huh?

Yes, Artificial Insemination Donor.

It was just a job I had for a while.

Actually, I'm a poet.

- Poet? An English poet?

- Well, yes, I am English.

- One of them beatnik poets, huh?

- Oh, beatnik? No. No, I'm not a beatnik.

You got them Beatle haircuts,

haven't you?

A Beatle haircut? No, I don't s...

It's an ordinary English haircut.

What do you do for a living,

Mr. Barton?

Barlow. I haven't decided

on anything specifically.

Haven't decided?

Just how did you get to this country, then?

Well, that's rather an amusing story.

You see, what happened, I was...

I was seeing my girlfriend off

at the London airport.

Then they said that I was the

5-millionth person to see... No, wait.

It was the 10-millionth person

to see someone off on a plane.

And they...

Well, they gave me this ticket,

so I thought I'd come here.

It was either Los Angeles or Calcutta,

and I thought, well, what the hell?

Just how long do you plan to stay

in our country, Mr. Burton?

- Barlow. Oh, that depends.

- Depends? Depends on what?

Well, I'll be staying with...

...Sir Francis Hinsley, the artist.

He's my uncle.

Megalopolitan Pictures,

that's where he works.

Now, D.J. Jr., we wanna get a piece

of this James Bond audience.

- Fine.

- And we're gonna give them that package...

...but with a brand-new ribbon on it.

We give him the one thing that

Jim Bond don't have:

Human warmth.

Are you still with me, D.J. Jr?

Now, he's still English,

he's still aristocratic...

...but he's got human warmth.

He's a human James Bond.

Do you think you can handle that

English accent, Dusty?

Oh, shucks, I reckon I could,

if I just sort of snuck up on it.

Well, I think Frank here could

straighten him out on the accent bit.

Is that right, Frank?

Do you think you can?

Oh, yes. I daresay I could.

Yes. I think I can.

You're sure you think

you're sure you can, right?

Yes, I think I can.

What do you say, Dust?

You think you'll feel at home with this?

You feel it's right for you?

You just turn him loose, D.J. Jr.,

and I'll try to ride him.

Okay. Harry, look, this is your baby. I'll tell

you what I want you to do. Hold it, fellas.

Who?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just a minute.

Frank, it's for you.

For me? How very embarrassing.

I can't imagine who.

Hello? Yes, speaking. Who? Barlow?

Who? You mean you're Emily's boy?

Good heavens.

What on earth are you doing out here?

Very well. I'll be down in a few moments,

quick as I can.

Yes. See you in a moment. Goodbye.

You'll excuse me, won't you, gentlemen?

I seem to have inherited a nephew.

- Go ahead, Frank. Go right ahead.

- So long, Harry.

As I was saying, my dear Dennis,

mine was only a gradual decline.

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