The Love Letter Page #5

is love potion number nine" (music)

(music) She bent down and turned

around and gave me a wink (music)

(music) She said, I'm gonna mix it up

right here in the sink" (music)

(music) It smelled like turpentine

and looked like India ink (music)

(music) I held my nose, I closed

my eyes, I took a drink (music)

- (music) I didn't know

if it was day or night (music)

- Excuse me.

- (music) I started kissing everything

in sight (music)

- You can get your wine.

(music) But when I kissed a cop

at 34th and Vine (music)

(music) He broke my little bottle

of love potion number nine (music)

[Helen's Voice] Dearest, do you know

how much in love with you I am?

Not a muscle has moved.

I have fallen in love

without taking a step.

You are all wrong for me

and I know it,

but I can no longer care for my thoughts

unless they're thoughts of you.

When I'm close to you, I feel your hair

brush my cheek when it does not.

When I tie my shoes,

when I peel an orange,

when I drive my car...

Did you find it okay?

[Sighs]

You want some?

- Good night.

- [Door Closes]

[Johnny]

Hey, McNeely,

what are you doin'?

I'm jogging.

Since when

did you start jogging?

Today.

So, did you just have dinner

at Helen's house?

Maybe.

Well, you know, I had dinner at her

house way before you were even hired.

Wanna go shoot some hoops,

tough guy?

- Sure.

- You're not too tired?

- No.

- Okay, I'll see you there.

No, give me a ride.

- Give me a ride! Give me a ride!

- Huh?

You know that Helen's celibate?

[Panting]

- Has been for years.

- I don't believe that.

- Not physically. Emotionally.

- What's that supposed to mean?

You are so clueless.

I'm thinking about making

the same choice myself.

Well, how can you be celibate

if you're still a virgin?

Shut up!

[Laughs]

Ow! You know what I think?

I think Helen's weird.

[McNeely Laughing]

[Janet] Merchandising.

That's what we need.

New Age stuff, you know?

Deepak Chopra.

You could... You know, like,

crystals, tarot cards.

We could get a palm reader

in here. Those people...

I mean, they don't have to be licensed

or anything. Anybody could do it.

My aunt, actually,

could do it. She's blind.

[Helen]

She sends a letter every day.

- [Janet] She who?

- Miss Scattergoods.

Have you ever had

an epistolary relationship?

Sounds kind of kinky, Helen.

I'm not into kinky.

No, no, no.

It's not kinky.

It means, letters, of letters,

carried on by letters."

Like love letters.

Can't f*** a letter, Helen.

(music) [Band]

[Whistle Blowing]

Hey, hey!

- Come back here!

- Oh!

[Dan]

Hey! [Yells]

Johnny, uh,

meet my roommate Kelly.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Okay. Bye.

Yeah, he's, he's a babe.

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