The Lookalike Page #3

missing a f***ing nipple?

You want to count her nipples?

F*** me! Okay.

Hey, cowboy, come on, help Frank out.

So Joe's your brother?

Half brother.

Yeah, I live in Houston,

so I don't get to see him very often.

Holt's an unusual name.

Holt? Yeah. Well, my mom,

thinks I'm the son of former Australian

prime minister Harold Holt, who,

as far as I know, drowned in '67.

I was born in '82.

I should probably start by

saying my mother is bananas.

Well, sorry if that's above your head.

Clinical term.

I'm sorry, have you heard from Joe?

No. Sorry, no.

- Do you need your fix?

- Wow.

I'm sorry, I know,

I can be really judgmental.

I... I didn't mean that.

It's not you, at all.

I can remove a person

from the lifestyle.

My lifestyle? What about your brother's

lifestyle? He's the one who's dealing.

Yeah, well, he's got really

good reason to do that.

- Well, yeah, I'm sure he does.

- No, he does. He's, he's...

He's bailing out our dad big time.

He needs to make a lot of money.

- Hi, mojitos. I hope you like mojitos.

- Are you shouting?

I told you I can read lips.

All right, of course,

I'm sorry about that.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

I don't want to sound insensitive,

but you don't sound deaf.

Really? How should deaf people sound?

- Well...

- No, I'm kidding.

- I was deafened three years ago.

- I'm so sorry to hear that.

Oh, rub it in, why don't you?

My voice hasn't changed much,

but over time you can forget

how to pronounce things.

What were you doing in the men's room?

Someone bumped into me earlier.

I went to adjust my little friend, here,

and I didn't see the sign.

Well, you might be missing a leg,

deaf, and occasionally blind,

but you certainly weren't

shortchanged in the looks department.

The looks department?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- That's as good as you can do?

- I'm sorry, what?

What?

- The looks...

- I'm kidding. Deaf joke.

- I heard you. I have perfect hearing.

- Funny. Funny. You're funny. Ha-ha.

You're so beautiful,

oh, my God you're so beautiful,

- what are you saying?

- I'm not... You don't know what I'm saying!

- I'm just say... I was singing...

- I don't appreciate that!

I was... Oh, my God, you're so hot.

- A little tickle in my throat.

- Oh.

Smoky. Sometimes I just like to...

- I'm gonna hit you with this.

- No, no, please, stop. That's heavy.

- I've heard it's...

- I know!

Thank you, Julio, thank you.

Coming through.

Hop you around. Sorry. Thank you.

Hey, Dillon, grab us a cab.

A little further.

A bit of a downslope here.

- Hey, sexy leg!

- Whoo!

Very funny.

Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow!

Idiots. Just ignore them. Taxi!

Here we go. All right. Almost there.

- Whoa!

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