The LEGO Batman Movie

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1

Black.

All important movies start

with a black screen.

And music.

Edgy, scary music

that would make

a parent or studio executive nervous.

And logos.

Really long and dramatic logos.

Warner Bros.

Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know.

DC.

The house that Batman built.

Yeah, what, Superman?

Come at me, bro.

I'm your Kryptonite.

Hmm.

Not sure what RatPac does,

but that logo is macho.

I dig it.

Okay.

Get yourself ready for some

reading.

"If you want to make the world

a better place"

"take a look at yourself

and make a change."

"Hooo."

No. I said that.

Batman is very wise.

I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack.

Yeah, I've got an extra ab.

Now, let's start the movie.

Gotham Tower,

this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.

We are transporting

11 million sticks of dynamite,

17,000 pounds of C-4,

about 150 cute little

classic bomb-type bombs,

and two best friends!

And request permission to fly over

the most crime-ridden city in the world.

Over.

I'm just looking at all the guys' faces

here in the control tower.

- I'm good.

- Sounds good to me.

- Do it!

- Yeah, as long as they're best friends.

- Thumbs up!

- Yep, I think we're cool with that.

Gentlemen,

seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

What was that?

- One of us should check it out.

- Okay.

Scissors, paper, rock.

- Paper.

- Scissors.

Ha! You always do paper.

I'm a loser at home and a loser at work.

Holy cow!

Captain Dale, is everything okay?

I am afraid Captain Dale had to bail.

I'm your new co-pilot.

And I always come to work

with a smile!

- You should be terrified.

- Why?

Because I will be taking over the city.

Mmm...

- What?

- Batman will stop you.

He always stops you.

No, he doesn't.

What about that time with the two boats?

This is better than the two boats.

- Mmm...

- Well, tonight is gonna be different!

Tonight is my greatest plan yet.

And trust me,

Batman's never gonna see it coming.

Like that time with the parade

and the Prince music?

Hey, quiet!

- Good night, Steve.

- Take it easy, Jeff.

Man, I really like that guy.

I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.

Nothing bad ever happens to me

What the...

Your city is under attack

by Gotham's greatest criminal minds.

Including

The Riddler.

Scarecrow.

Pizza delivery.

- Bane.

- Hello.

Two-Face!

We need that door open, baby!

Catwoman.

Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.

I'm jumping out of the way!

And let's not forget, Clayface.

Poison Ivy.

- Freeze!

- No!

You freeze!

Mr. Freeze!

Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser.

Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula.

King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth,

March Harriet, Zodiac Master,

Gentleman Ghost.

Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man,

Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King.

Okay, are you making some of those up?

Nope, they're all real.

Probably worth a Google.

- Hey, watch it!

- Commissioner Gordon!

What is it, O'Hara?

We just got a report!

All the Z-grade villains have

broken into the energy plant!

What are we gonna do, sir?

The only thing we ever do.

Flip the switch to the Bat-Signal!

Flip!

Commissioner, are you there?

The Bat-Signal, she's been egged!

It's Egghead, sir.

I'm well aware of his work.

Dear gosh.

You've destroyed the Bat-Signal.

You have thought of everything.

Yeah, I know!

And when I take over Gotham City...

Opening reactor core doors.

...Batman will grovel at the feet

of his greatest enemy!

Me! The Joker!

Joker, do you read me?

10-4, girl buddy.

We're ready for you, sugar plum.

Well, then, let's raise the roof!

Fire in the hole!

O'Hara, have you tried the Bat-Phone?

Yes, but all I'm getting

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