The Lady in the Van Page #2

No. Because it was non-stop music.

Lucy is doing her O levels.

It's the noise levels I'm worried about.

Wave, darling.

Bye, darling.

Don't stay up too late.

Bye, darling.

Sorry about all this.

- Glyndebourne.

- Cosi.

Oh, lucky you. Have fun.

Oh. Look out. Madam's on the move.

So, whose turn will it be now?

- Slow down.

- I don't want to miss the curtain.

- Mrs Vaughan Williams?

- No. The Birts.

No!

Sixty-two.

No. Who?

No! No!

- No, darling, that's us!

- Stop the cab!

Sorry! Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry, you can't park here.

No, I've had guidance.

This is where it should go.

Guidance? Who from?

The Virgin Mary. I

spoke to her yesterday.

She was outside the post office in Parkway.

What does she know about parking?

Rufus, tell her we're

going to Glyndebourne!

I need a ruler.

I must measure the distance

between the tyres and the kerb.

See, one and a half

inches is the ideal gap.

I came across that

in a Catholic motoring magazine

under "Tips on Christian Parking".

This isn't Christian parking.

It's a f***ing liberty.

Rufus.

You try to be nice,

and where does it get you?

Darling.

Well, you didn't stay long outside 66.

Not with that din.

They're not musical, are they?

Who?

You know, 61.

No. They go to the opera.

Are you all right?

What with all this to-do,

I think I'm about to be taken short.

Can I use your lavatory?

No! The flush is on the blink.

I don't mind.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Thank you.

I've got a meeting at the BBC.

What about?

It's just something I'm writing.

I thought you were coming up.

In a week or two.

I'm on my own.

I know you're on your own.

We're all on our own.

Well, can I come down there for a bit?

Is it a big house?

Not really. You wouldn't like it.

It's too many stairs.

They have these chairlift things now.

Are you still there?

Yes.

Oh!

The foot feller came today.

- Who?

- The foot feller.

Do you mean the chiropodist?

- You've written that down.

- I haven't.

Hey, I've given you some script.

I'm just raw material.

- No, you're not.

- Hmm.

Mam.

Are you all right?

Yeah. It's the van.

- It gets very close.

- I imagine.

You're tall.

My husband was tall.

I'm Mrs Vaughan Williams.

I won't shake hands. Gardening.

What, the composer'? Greensleeves?

Among other things.

Why? Are you musical?

I don't even know your name.

It's Miss Shepherd.

But I wouldn't want it bandied about.

I'm in an incognito position, possibly.

Safe with me.

Shepherd. Drove ambulances

in the war, apparently.

Well, where did she spring from?

- And a nun once.

- A nun?

In the convent up the street.

Still, everybody's got something to hide.

My brother-in-law's a policeman.

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