The House

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Open up the champagne, pop!

It's my house,

come on, turn it up

Hear a knock on the

door and the night begins

'Cause we done this

before so you come on in

Make yourself at my home,

tell me where you been...

TOUR GUIDE:
Now, if you'll

follow me this way onto the quad,

we'll continue our campus tour.

SCOTT:
So, sweetie,

remember, if you drink a beer,

you drink a glass of water, all right?

Six-pack of beer,

six-pack of water.

Okay. This just sounds

like way too much liquid.

KATE:
Or just don't party at all.

Okay, Mom, you're the

one who always talks about

how much you smoked pot in college

and for a whole semester,

you just peed outside.

Okay, they did call me,

"Smoke a Lot of Pot and Pee Outside" Kate.

- Well...

- But I regret that.

Okay? Just skip over that

part and act like I am now.

- Okay.

- Oh. Let's show her stranger danger.

Do you know stranger danger?

(SIGHS) I'm sure...

Okay, this is real important.

So, I'm a scary frat guy.

- Right?

- Okay.

There's a lot of them.

- Mom is you, all right?

- Lucky me.

Okay. Hey, sweet thing.

- My name's Geppetto. Uh...

- Whoa.

- 'Cause I make the ladies my puppets.

- Uh...

- Yeah. Right?

- See? I already don't trust him.

- Right? He's a bad guy.

- Trust your instincts.

- Bad guy.

- Weird choice.

SCOTT:
So, you wanna

come up to the bro house?

You don't have to answer.

- Oh...

- But, for this scenario, I will.

I'm fine, thank you. I'm

getting ready to study.

Oh, but I like the silent type.

You smell good.

You probably think I'm close to

you, but I'd like to get closer.

Come, my lady

Come, come, my lady

You're my sugar

pie, honey, baby

Then you elbow him in the

balls, and then you roll away.

(GROANS) Right there. And you roll.

- And the guy's like, "No! My nards."

- And you get out of there.

So, stay away from guys named Geppetto.

Got it. Thank you. Guys...

I love this school. This is

where I wanna go next year.

Oh, we're so happy you love it here!

- Let us come with you!

- (ALL LAUGHING)

- She's just kidding.

- Nah.

I love you guys.

- We love you, too.

- Come here.

SCOTT:
Aw... God, our little baby!

(CHUCKLES) If I get in.

- If you get in.

- If you get in.

- That's right.

- Tough school. It's tough.

Oh, God. No, I don't wanna click it.

I'm not gonna click it. One

of you click it. I'm not...

Honey, Alex, you're an A student, okay?

Chill. I'm sure you got in.

You know, if they don't

want my baby, they're stupid.

The Bisons? What kind of mascot is that?

If they say no to you,

I say we say no to them.

F*ck the Bisons! You know.

- Yeah. Bucknell, more like Fucknell!

- Yes!

(GASPS) I got in!

(ALL SCREAMING)

You got in! Yes!

Bucknell, I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

We're Bucknell!

- Bucknell, baby! Bucknell!

- Yeah! Bucknell!

It's a majestic creature,

the bison. Bisons! Bisons!

Man, Frank is not looking

so hot since Raina left.

SCOTT:
Ugh, I can smell

that poncho from here.

He looks like Animal from the Muppets.

- What's up, you guys?

- What's up, buddy? How are ya?

- Guys.

- Frank, buddy.

Great party!

Yeah, it's going great, huh?

Yeah, we're glad you could come.

SCOTT:
You made it.

Yeah, of course I made it.

Rode my bike all the way here.

- Good.

- Yeah.

What happened to your car?

I can't find it.

You guys must be pretty psyched, right?

Yeah, we are.

So proud of Alex. She's really grown up.

No, no, no. I'm talking about us.

I'm talking about the three

of us, next week. Vegas!

- We were thinking about Vegas.

- Yeah.

What if we push Vegas until the fall?

Yeah. We still go. We just

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