The Honeymoon Killers

- What happened?

- Someone made a little mistake...

and put some chlorine

and ammonia together.

I don't think

she'll do it anymore.

You again, Severns.

Are you all right?

I think so, Miss Beck.

I didn't realize it was the ammonia.

It's a good thing I was here.

She could've been hurt.

What were you doing

in here, Jackson?

Why aren't you on the ward

where you belong?

Ah, now I see

what happened.

I don't give a damn what the two

of you do outside this hospital...

but, in here, you're as bad

as the ammonia and chlorine.

Now get out of here, Jackson!

This is a hospital laboratory,

not a motel room.

I don't wanna see you in here again.

Do you understand me?

I think I do,

Miss Beck.

Everything's all right.

Go back to your stations.

As for you, Severns,

I'll deal with you later.

You've already

kept me overtime.

I want you in my office

first thing tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry, Miss Beck.

You'll be a lot sorrier if you're

ever out of line with me again.

Hi, hon. Jesus,

it's clammy, huh?

And it's only April. I hope you

got some beer in here. You're all out.

I thought you were gonna

keep her at your place.

Well, she said

she wanted to lie down...

so I said, "Why don't you go into my bedroom

and lie down till Martha comes home?"

Then I could

do my housework. But no.

No. She had to lie down

in her own bedroom.

I'm telling you,

she's the queen mother.

Huh. God, she's a pain

in the ass.

She can't help it

if she's getting senile.

- I'm all in.

- Oh, listen.

I'd better give you your mail before

I forget it and walk off with it.

Who sent this?

Who sent this? I never

applied for anything like this.

- What's the matter with you?

- What is it, some kind of April Fools' Day joke?

If it is, it stinks.

I thought you were

goin' on a diet.

What are you eatin' the pretzels

for now? You're gonna have supper soon.

They're full of salt, and then

you start drinkin' like a fish.

- You know how fattenin' that is?

- Leave me alone! I'm hungry! Do you mind!

Jesus, Martha.

I'm sorry.

I never would've sent in your name

if I knew it would upset you like this.

You sent it?

Martha. What's the matter

with my little girl?

Stop it, Mama!

I'm not your little girl.

It isn't some man

you're mixed up with, is it?

- Oh, Mama, please!

- Why don't you leave your daughter alone?

Can't you see

how upset she is?

She's been mean to me

all day long.

Now I'm gonna lie down

in my own bed.

That's a good idea, Mama.

I'll call you when supper's ready.

Thanks for

the April Fools' Day joke.

Aw, come on, Martha.

For Christ's sake, what kind

of a friend do you think I am?

Sure, I sent in

your name.

- What'd you do it for?

- Will you just look at this?

"No more lonely nights

for these two lucky people.

"But was it really luck?

"No, it was Aunt Carrie

who brought them together.

"She can open the door

to exciting new friendships for you.

Why not drop her a line?

It may change your lonely life."

Martha, you just

need a man.

Okay, honey, you're

a little on the heavy side...

but you're not

an old bag, you know?

You could be pretty sexy

with the right man.

Come on. Let's fill it out.

What you got to lose?

- Let's see it.

- Here, before you change your mind.

I'll help you with it.

Where's a pen?

In the cabinet.

- You sure this is all right?

- What you got to lose?

God, what questions.

Do I have to tell the truth?

So, who's puttin' you

on the witness stand?

I suppose

there's no harm in it.

Do you think someone

will really write to me?

Well, there's only

one way to find out.

And someday, you might

even thank me for this.

Dear Martha...

I hope you will

allow me the liberty...

of addressing you

by your Christian name.

To tell you the truth, I don't quite know

how to begin this letter to you.

Because I must confess...

this is the first letter

of this sort I have ever written.

Would you like

to know a little bit about me?

I'm 34, and I've been told

I'm not a bad-looking fellow.

I am in the importing business

from Spain, my mother country.

I live alone here in this apartment...

much too large for a bachelor...

but I hope someday

to share it with a wife.

Why did I choose you

for my debut friendship letter?

Because you are a nurse, and therefore

I know have a full heart...

and a great capacity

for comfort and love.

Your friend,

Raymond Fernandez.

I must confess to you...

your charming letters

have cheered my life.

Dear Raymond,

Thanks for your picture.

You are exactly

as I imagined.

Here is one of me,

though it doesn't do me justice.

I want you to call me Ray.

Only one woman ever did that...

a childhood sweetheart

long ago.

The day I find

a letter from you...

always goes

so much better.

Send me

a lock of your hair.

Dearest, the scarf

was so beautiful!

I will try to come

and see you and Mother.

I can't wait

till you arrive.

I still can't move.

That was

a wonderful dinner.

I made the pecan pie.

Oh, the very best part

of the meal, Mrs. Beck.

- You want another drink, Mama?

- Another drink?

You don't usually let me

have even one.

Well, this is a very special occasion.

What about you, Martha?

You haven't even had your first.

Oh, maybe just a little one.

I'm counting calories.

I'll help you get it.

I'm sorry

Mother's such a nuisance.

I think

she's adorable.

Would you think I was terrible

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