The Holiday Page #4

go away for.

You know what I really wanna do?

I wanna eat carbs without

wanting to kill myself.

I wanna read a book.

Not just a magazine. An actual book.

For years, I read these reviews,

I buy the books, but I never read them.

Did you read that article in

The New York Times last Sunday?

Severe stress makes women

age prematurely...

...because stress causes DNA

in our cells to shrink...

...until they can no longer replicate.

So when we're stressed,

we look haggard.

- This is just women, not men.

- I'm sorry.

They used to say that...

...single women over 35 were

more likely to be killed by a terrorist...

...than to get married.

That was horrible.

But now our generation

is also not getting married.

And bonus, real terrorists

actually became part of our lives.

So the stress of it all shows up on our

faces, making us look haggard.

While Ethan goes on

looking cute forever...

...shtupping his

Oh, my God!

See what I mean?

I need a vacation.

Okay, where do I wanna go?

By myself at Christmas.

By myself depressed at Christmas.

All alone on vacation.

Alone, alone.

Totally alone.

Please, just give me one.

One tear.

Okay. Moving on.

"Worry-Free Vacations."

Good. Where's that?

Bora Bora.

"Kayak for one?" No, thank you.

"Vacation Rentals." I could do that.

Hole up in a house somewhere.

Disappear for a few weeks.

I like that idea.

"Where do you wanna go

on your next vacation?"

"Click here and pick a country."

Where do they speak English?

"Click on a town or city."

Let's see. Cotswolds.

"Barn converted to modern house

in the beautiful Cotswolds."

Which looks exactly like the Valley.

Surrey. "Christmas in the country."

"A fairy-tale English cottage

set in a tranquil country garden.

Snuggle up by an old stone fireplace

and enjoy a cup of cocoa.

An enchanting oasis of tranquility

in a quiet English hamlet...

...just 40 minutes

from exciting London."

Yeah.

What am I doing?

Low point.

Low point.

"I'm interested... Renting your house.

I'm wondering if your house

is available this Christmas.

Because if it is,

you could be a real lifesaver."

"I know it's late to be asking...

...but if you're at all interested,

please contact me."

"I'm very interested, but the cottage

is only available for home exchange."

"Home exchange"? What is that?

"We switch houses, cars,

everything.

I haven't done it before,

but friends have."

Where are you?

Please say somewhere far away.

"L.A."

Never been there.

Always wanted to go.

I'm Iris, by the way.

I'm very normal.

Neat freak. Healthy. Non-smoker.

Single.

Hate my horrible life.

I'm Amanda.

Loner, loser and complicated wreck.

Hi.

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