The Hippopotamus Page #3

I could be out of the house

'and filling in a deposit slip

in ten minutes.

'Jane was mad, certainly,

'but her check was crossed

and endearingly sane.

'I was perfectly happy to labor

'in the service

of Jane's delusions,

'but what were those delusions?

'I envied

those careless peasants

'tasked to find a needle

in a haystack.

'Mine was a more elusive quarry,

'an unholy mating of wild goose

and shaggy dog.

'My last visit to Swafford

had been amusing enough,

'but hardly revealing

of miracles.'

[I Louis Armstrong: "When

It's Sleepy Time Down South"]

Now the pale moon shining

On the fields below

The folks are crooning

Soft and low

You needn't tell me, boy,

I Because I know

I When it's sleepy time

down south...

Thanks for picking me up, Simon.

Davey wanted to come,

but I thought you'd enjoy

the two-seater more.

Built it myself.

[Car rattles]

[Engine sputters]

Davey says you're a poet.

That's the rumor.

Do one.

- [engine sputters]

- Do one?

A poem.

[Dog whines]

There was a young man

called Simon,

who hated the art of rhyming.

He thought it a shame

that his very own name

could only be mated

with "hymen."

Ha-ha-ha! Genius.

A limerick's the best I can do

at 60 miles an hour.

[Louis Armstrong:

"Hellzapoppin" ']

Hold your hats

The roof is 'bout to tumble in

Holy cats

The walls and floors

are crumblin'

Hellzapoppin'

Hellzapoppin'

Hellzapoppin'

The whole gang's whoopin' up

the whoop-de-doo

'Swafford Hall.

'The home of the Logan family

since 1984

'when globetrotting tycoon

Michael Logan

'debased himself for love

'by marrying into

the cash-strapped

British aristocracy.

'After doing something sinister

for Margaret Thatcher

'in the late 1980s,

'Michael was rebranded

"Lord Logan of Swafford"

'and has since successfully

managed the great house

'as a personal fiefdom,

'without compromising himself

'by running a wedding venue

or boutique hotel

'or, god forbid, a safari park.'

[Horn sounds]

[Engine sputters]

Uncle Edward!

Uncle Edward!

- Ah. Davey.

- Uncle Edward!

- Uncle Edward! Uncle Edward!

- Davey.

- Uncle Edward!

- Well met.

Hello, Uncle Edward.

Hello, Uncle Edward!

- Oh! Oh! Ha-ha!

- Just... just plain Ted.

Well, come on, Uncle Ted!

We've got so much to talk about!

Uh! Ooh!

Oh. Uh!

[Engine revs outside]

Ah! Podmore, is it not?

Welcome back to Swafford,

Mr. Wallace.

Hm.

Oh, er... don't worry.

I'll show Uncle Ted the house.

Oh, very well, Master David.

And then after dinner, I can

take you round the east wing.

Oh. Whiskey's right, isn't it?

Indeed.

But first perhaps a bath.

Er... followed by,

conceivably...

a nap.

Well, um... when you've...

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