The Heartbreak Kid

Synopsis: Three days into his Miami honeymoon, New York Jewish Lenny meets tall, blonde Kelly. This confirms him in his opinion that he has made a serious mistake and he decides he wants Kelly instead. Her rich father is less than keen and lets everyone - including Lenny - know that he hates everything about him and the way he is going on.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Elaine May
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  Nominated for 2 Oscars. Another 3 wins & 6 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.9
Rotten Tomatoes:
91%
PG
Year:
1972
106 min
279 Views

# Don't you know you've got

to hang in there #

# and it's rough, I know

'cause I've been there #

# life throws us in #

# you'll soon be safe

and sound #

# and you can rest #

# but till then #

# keep your smile

glued on tight #

# you'll be all right #

# you're going far #

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, pizza!

How did you know?

# You'll be all right #

# you're goin' far #

- Lenny, don't.

- Why?

I don't want you to.

Yes, you do.

Can't you wait ten more days?

Can't you?

But nobody waits anymore.

Nobody does.

I'm waiting.

Our God, and God of our fathers,

bless Leonard Allen Cantrow...

and Lila Ina Kolodny...

as they unite their lives on this day.

Do you promise to love,

to honor and to cherish her...

In good fortune and in adversity?

- If so, answer "I do."

- I do.

And do you, Lila, take Leonard

to be your husband?

- Behold.

- Behold.

- I, Lila, take thee, Leonard,

- I, Lila, take thee, Leonard,

...with this ring...

- With this ring...

- To be my husband.

- To be my husband.

May then, the Lord grant you

his most precious of gifts:

Happiness and peace.

Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

We now declare you, Leonard and Lila,

husband and wife.

Mazel-tov!

Mazel-tov!

If I don't get a chance

to give you this--

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

- Where are you going on your honeymoon?

- Miami beach.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello, my daughter.

# Hava nagilah hava nagilah #

# Hava nagilah vaynis m'chah #

Whee!

# Hava n'ranena #

# Hava n'ranena #

# Hava n'ranena vaynis m'chah #

- Miami beach, here we come!

- Beach, here we come!

- We're coming, Miami beach!

- Miami beach, here we come!

Here we come, Miami beach!

# They long to be close to you #

# just like me they long to be

close to you #

# someone's in the kitchen

with Dinah #

# someone's in the kitchen

I know #

# someone's in the kitchen

with Dinah strummin' on the old banjo #

# and singing Fe fi fiddley-I-o #

# Fe fi fiddley-I-o #

# Fe fi fiddley-I-o-o-o #

# Fe fi fiddley-I-o #

# o #

You have a lousy voice.

You're just gonna have to get used

to it for the next 40 or 50 years.

Forty or fifty years?

# Strummin' on the old banjo #

# strummin' on the old banjo

and singing-- #

- Lenny?

- What?

Do you love me?

Yes, I do.

You know it, honey.

Honey, don't do this.

I can't shift if you do that.

Honey, don't, don't.

Don't do this, honey.

It's dangerous. Go ahead,

go back over to the other side.

Grouch.

I just have to be able to shift, honey.

- Lenny?

- Huh?

- Look!

- What are you doing?

- Come on, put that down!

- Nobody can see.

Truck drivers can see!

Guys driving trucks can look down and see!

- What's wrong with it? We're married!

- Come on!

What do you mean, we're married?

You're married to me.

You're not married to the truck drivers.

Wait till Virginia.

We almost got killed.

That car shot in front of us.

Is it all right, Lenny?

Huh? Is it?

Is it what you thought

it would be like?

It's exactly, it's exactly

what I thought it would be like.

Exactly?

Exactly or better?

Better! Much better

than I thought it would be like.

Honey, don't talk now.

We'll talk later.

Are you glad we waited?

Are you, Lenny?

Say it.

I'm glad we waited.

Now we have the rest of our lives.

Forty,

fifty, sixty,

a hundred years.

Hon, don't make little circles

on my chest, okay?

Hmm?

I like to.

I know you like to. I have

an incredibly sensitive chest, though.

I'll make little squares.

No, really, come on.

Nothing, stupid chest.

I'll just blow on it.

Come on.

Okay, okay.

Grouch.

Are you gonna be grouchy

for the next 50 years?

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Neil Simon

Marvin Neil Simon (born July 4, 1927) credited as Neil Simon, is an American playwright, screenwriter and author. He wrote more than 30 plays and nearly the same number of movie screenplays, mostly adaptations of his plays. He has received more combined Oscar and Tony nominations than any other writer.Simon grew up in New York City during the Great Depression, with his parents' financial hardships affecting their marriage, giving him a mostly unhappy and unstable childhood. He often took refuge in movie theaters where he enjoyed watching the early comedians like Charlie Chaplin. After a few years in the Army Air Force Reserve, and after graduating from high school, he began writing comedy scripts for radio and some popular early television shows. Among them were Sid Caesar's Your Show of Shows from 1950 (where he worked alongside other young writers including Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks and Selma Diamond), and The Phil Silvers Show, which ran from 1955 to 1959. He began writing his own plays beginning with Come Blow Your Horn (1961), which took him three years to complete and ran for 678 performances on Broadway. It was followed by two more successful plays, Barefoot in the Park (1963) and The Odd Couple (1965), for which he won a Tony Award. It made him a national celebrity and "the hottest new playwright on Broadway." During the 1960s to 1980s, he wrote both original screenplays and stage plays, with some films actually based on his plays. His style ranged from romantic comedy to farce to more serious dramatic comedy. Overall, he has garnered 17 Tony nominations and won three. During one season, he had four successful plays running on Broadway at the same time, and in 1983 became the only living playwright to have a New York theatre, the Neil Simon Theatre, named in his honor. more…

All Neil Simon scripts | Neil Simon Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this The Heartbreak Kid script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"The Heartbreak Kid" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 14 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_heartbreak_kid_9754>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

Watch the movie trailer

The Heartbreak Kid

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.