The Heart of the Deal

---

- [Man]:
I love this town.

It's a joke.

I love jokes.

For that matter...

my life's a joke.

Did you hear the one about

the rabbi, the producer,

and the studio executive

who walk into a bar?

[ Car engine running ]

? Opera ?

[ Knocking ]

[ Knocking ]

- Uncle Charlie!

Hi, it's me, Lionel!

I just got here now!

I took the bus!

- This is a bad time, Lionel.

- What?

- I'm not well.

- What?

Oh, Jesus.

A rabbi, an undertaker,

and my freaking nephew

walk into a bar!

- Hey! I tried to...

Did you know your

phone's out of order?

- Yeah, it's th

- Mom says hi. She's

worried about you.

She wants you to

call her. Could I--

- I'm not alone.

You know what I mean?

- Oh!

Sorry. Got it.

- Yeah, she's...

Come back later.

- I did it. I did whasaid,

Uncle Charlie.

- Great!

[ Chuckling ]

Yeah, it's about

Benjamin Disraeli

and the Tariff Laws of 1876.

- This is great.

- William Gladstone--

- Come back tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

Oh, OK.

Um, I can find a place.

A motel or...

- Good.

- What time?

- 5:
00.

- OK, I hope you like it.

They got pretty vicious, so...

OK.

? Opera ?

[ Engine cuts out ]

[ Music stops ]

- F*ck! F*ck! Motherfuck!

[ Engine sputtering ]

[ Engine starts ]

? Opera ?

Wait a second.

A rabbi, a producer,

and a recently-converted

Jewish black action star

walk into a bar.

[ Laughing ]

Now, that's funny.

[ Man and woman talking ]

Brad?

- Charlie, we have a--

- I just need 2 minutes.

- I'm going into a meeting.

- Two seconds?

- I'll see you in there.

- I was just talking about you.

I had lunch with...

- That's OK. You don't

have to think of a name.

I'm leaving the agency.

- Oh...

Charlie, that's bad news.

I hate hearing that.

- You'll get over it.

- Probably for the best.

We really haven't

scored for you.

I can't help feeling

it's my fault.

- I feel that way too.

Sign this for me, would you?

- What is it?

- It terminates our

contract as of today.

- Any projects we need to--

- There are no projects.

You've never got me a job.

- Yeah.

How you been?

- I'm good.

Well, suicidal.

My nephew interrupted that.

and he gave me this

Benjamin Disraeli script.

- Benjamin Disraeli?

- British Prime Minister.

- What happened to Tony Blair?

- You didn't hear?

- No! What?

- No, I'm just kidding you.

This was before Tony Blair.

I'm going to attach

Bobby Mason to it.

- Ah! Ha ha! OK!

You go get 'em!

Let me show you out.

- Brad?

- Yeah?

- You got something

green in your teeth.

- Hello there!

- Charlie Berns.

- Rabbi Gutterman.

Are you here for the

B'nai B'rith meeting?

- Actually, I'm here to

discuss business, Rabbi.

- Ah. Sit. Sit down.

- I'm making a movie

about Judaism.

- Judaism?

- Based on the life

of Benjamin Disraeli.

- Did you know that

Jews were not allowed

to sit in the House

of Commons before 1858?

- No, I didn't know that.

That's why we want to bring

someone like you on board.

As sort of a technical advisor.

- Technical advisor?

- Associate producer

would be the actual term.

- Well, I'm a busy man.

The congregation, I'm on

the Mayor's Youth Council...

I'm the Chairman of the

West Coast Symposium

on Humanistic Revisionism.

We talking above the line here?

- Absolutely.

- Who's directing?

- Hasn't been set.

- Who do you have

in mind for Disraeli?

- Well, in my wildest, let's be

bold, anyone you want wish list,

and this is where

you could help...

I'm thinking of

going against type.

- Robin Williams.

- Farther against type.

-You've reached Steven

Holly at Daily Variety.

Leave a message.

- Steven, it's

Charlie Berns calling.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)