The Ghastly Love of Johnny X

Good morning, Judge.

Jonathan Xavier.

You stand before me today

accused of low crimes

such as theft

and civil disobedience.

What have you to say

for yourself?

Mr. Xavier,

you've been given full bounty

of our society's benefits,

yet you choose to flaunt

your disrespect

for everything decent

by means of repeated

transgressions against us.

All we ask of our citizens

is a modest conformity,

but even that seems

to be too much for you

and your misguided followers.

So now you're going to have

to listen to my verdict.

Do your worst, Counselor.

I'm counting on it.

In as much as you insist

on being an outsider

and laughing at

the rules and traditions

of our advanced civilization,

I am exiling

you to a place

which has no adherence

to either.

Observe.

Under your desks, children!

Yeah?

Well, I don't care!

You can end me to any pus-y,

scab-covered boil you want.

At least

I'll be going places.

I'm the guy your parents hate!

Young man, do you really

wish to become that?

Undisciplined, irreverent...

Tasteless!

I'd like to advise you to choose

your next words carefully,

because this may

be your last chance

to find grace among

your own people.

Oh, yeah, baby.

What is this thing

he's got?

Guard!

You little monster!

Jonathan Xavier...

An unselfish act will

bring you home.

Be wise,

for what it's worth.

Until that time,

I have no choice but

to sentence you...

...to Earth!

She's close.

Mmmm.

I can almost

taste her.

Let's fade.

Woo!

We surrender, we surrender!

I'd like to say a word

about Chesterfields.

Chesterfields are

milder-smoking, better-tasting

and cooler.

See "Beatnik Barbecue"

starring screen sensation Robin Wray.

Here you go, baby.

It's a gasper.

We interrupt this program

to bring you a late-breaking

news bulletin.

The southwest's Rockin'

Shamrock, Mickey O'Flynn,

"The Man with the Grin,"

is missing.

A search of O'Flynn's Arizona

mansion yielded no clues.

O'Flynn was

last seen rehearsing

for his first public appearance

in several years.

Show producer King Clayton who

lured the reckless recluse

back into the limelight for a

concert scheduled this weekend,

admits that the rootin',

tootin', shootin' star

failed to

show up for a rehearsal.

What can I say?

The rootin', tootin', shootin'

star failed to show up

for a rehearsal.

O'Flynn's following at the

height of his success

surpassed all but a few in

the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

But even after the bright

lights dimmed,

O'Flynn remained

loyal to his fans.

If you or anyone you know is in

possession of any information

that may lead to a

resolution to this crisis,

please contact your

local authorities.

And now this...

You're a star, Snooky!

Yeah, well, they're not exactly

lining up for autographs.

Let's just keep it that way.

What can I get you?

Make it cold and wet,

handsome.

A pop?

With a twist

of lime.

Chip.

My name is Bliss.

Repeat it.

Bliss.

That's nice.

I like the way

you say that.

Let's try another one.

You see that desert?

Yeah, I see it.

You know what's sitting

out there?

No, what?

Lizards.

Lizards?

That's right.

A whole

bunch of lizards.

Do you know what those

lizards are doing?

They're looking for me,

that's what they're doing.

And you know why?

They want to lick me.

Lick you?

You mean...

Doesn't matter.

All that does matter is

you're no lizard,

and that you

don't remind me of him.

"Him."

Him?

Johnny X.

Oh, him.

My boyfriend.

Oh... him.

I've been in that Godforsaken

desert for 40 days and 40 nights

without so much as a Popsicle

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