The Fundamentals of Caring Page #2

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on a precise schedule.

It's all in this notebook.

Prescription meds,

Deflazacort, Losartan, Eplerenone.

Those you absolutely can't miss.

Then the supplements,

Protandim, Haelan, omega fatty acids,

calcium, vitamin D, Co Q10,

creatine, glutamine, Quercetin,

multi-vitamin, and mega green tea.

Why don't you read the notebook

and we'll talk more thoroughly later.

Statistically, Trevor probably

has another seven to ten years.

So, let's do everything right, okay?

- I need to hear you say "okay."

- Yes. Okay. Absolutely.

Trevor, it's his first day.

Please don't make him cry.

- You need anything?

- I do, actually.

Could you call

the Make-A-Wish Foundation

and tell them I want a blowj*b

from Katy Perry?

I mean, she kind of has to say yes, right?

Think about it.

If she was to reject me,

that would a PR nightmare for her.

It'd be a sh*t storm.

What do we have here?

A two-story outhouse.

Aha. Here we go. Idaho Falls, Idaho.

Two-story outhouse.

I'm no expert. I definitely think

I'd prefer to be on the upper level.

- He apparently...

- What is this gem, you ask?

This is a map of your precious country's

lamest roadside attractions,

odd museums, bizarre landmarks,

and of course anything giant,

- from farm animals to cherry pie.

- What's the red star?

That, my friend, is

the world's deepest pit. My favorite.

It just sounds so depressing, I love it.

Pick a number between one and 3,500.

Go on, Ben. We've got

some time to kill. One and 3,500.

- Three.

- One-5-5-5. You're not even trying.

But I have some fantastic news,

I need to take a dump.

Why is that fantastic news?

Because it's your time to shine. Let's go.

Ow.

I need to take a sh*t, come on.

Come on, be serious.

Take my legs.

How does it make sense to take my legs?

Are you gonna drag me to the toilet?

Put them down.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

Hold on, hold on.

Do you wanna just sh*t in your chair,

maybe?

Maybe.

Ben. Ben, it's jammed. Ben, help!

Who do you think would win

in a fight to the death. Me or a bird?

Help me! Help me!

Help!

How about me versus a lot of birds,

but all the birds

also had muscular dystrophy?

I think a bunch of big birds with

muscular dystrophy are f***ing you up.

- I enjoy this time together.

- Me too.

Can I ask you a question?

What?

If you woke up

and you were totally... fine...

what's the thing you'd wanna do most?

If I could do anything at all?

I'd really like to take a pee standing up.

Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

Bye.

If somebody tries to rob the bank today,

don't be a hero.

I can't promise anything

once the adrenalin kicks in.

Fair enough.

Did you arrange these to look

like large testicles and a small penis?

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