The Finales I: Date Of Fire Page #5

Dave:
The 49$ rooms.

Dina:
Alright, These are right next to us.

Dave walks in his, and he immediately sniffs, and coughs.

Dave:
Did a cow smoke in here? Did I get a smoking room?

Dave sits down on the one small, very small bed.

Dave:
This bed is wet! Do they not do laundry around here?

He checks the sheets, they’re dry.

Dave:
I guess I’ll be sleeping on the floor.

He checks the pillows, they’re as hard as a rock.

Dave:
Hopefully the floor is as soft as a pillow.

He grabs the remote.

Dave (pressing buttons, and it does nothing): What?

The remote does nothing.

Dave (checking the battery compartment): Stupid thing.

Dave sees a whole bunch of ants on the corroded batteries, He screams, and throws the remote.

Dave:
What the?!

Dina walks in, not seeing the remote behind the door she opened.

Dina:
Is there a problem, sir?

Dave (lying):
No, Everything is just fine.

Dina:
Alright, I’ll leave ya to it.

Dina leaves.

Dave:
Jesus, No wonder these rooms are 49 dollars.

Dave checks the bathroom, it smells like urine.

Dave:
Jesus Christ. Do they not check these rooms?

Dave checks the shower, It has no soap or shampoo, but instead, one paper towel. It is super wet.

Dave:
I guess not. Or, This is a newly opened room, and they just haven’t gotten around to cleaning it.

We cut to Dave sitting on the floor, on a call with a different receptionist.

Dave:
So, You’re telling me that ants were in your remote, the bed was moist, the bathrooms were utterly disgusting, and the whole room smells like cigarettes and vinegar?

Dave:
Yes, Exactly.

Angel:
Oh boy, Oh, Oh boy, Ummmmm, Well, Our cleaners have all gotten struck with the flu, so--

Dave:
Don’t tell me. Please don’t tell me--

Angel:
You’re--

Dave begins screaming, throwing the phone around as long as it can go (it is connected by wire to something).

Angel:
Sir?! Hello?

Dave (grabbing the phone): Can I get a refund?

Angel:
You’ve been here for over 12 hours--

Dave:
No! It is only 8:00! I came here at 4! You can’t tell me that that is--

Angel:
Well, According to our files, You’ve been here for 7 months, Oh yeah, When you going to pay your hotel bills? They’ve been due for over 6 months.

Dave:
6 months! Someone is trying to f***ing frame me--

Angel:
Wait, Wrong file, Although, Even if I can find the right file, I still can’t give you a refund.

Dave:
Are you f***ing kidding me?!

Angel:
There’s a reason why they’re 49$ my friend.

Dave:
No, No, NO--

Angel hangs up on him.

Dave:
This is great, Just plain great, Now all I need is a bird to swoop in here and this will be Ben 10 in a f***ing hotel in f***ing a b*tch-whore named Montana in motherfucking Montana! F***ing hell.

A bird swoops in due to him keeping his window up.

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