The Emperor Waltz Page #5

[Bell Rings, Crashes]

You rang, sir?

Does a black dog live here?

I beg your pardon?

A French poodle

about that size.

Tell her she has to see

a man about a dog.

Perhaps if you would clarify the

nature of your business, sir.

[Scheherazade Barking]

Hey, you!

What's the idea ofjust

running off after your dog

has bitten my dog?

I don't expect decent manners

of that thing, but human beings

we expect to act halfway human.

[Growling]

Take off your hat.

Look at that leg.

Bitten clear to the bone.

It bled all over my rented suit.

I doubt if my birds

care for the smell of your hat.

Fry your birds!

I'm talkin' about my dog.

Your dog ought to have a muzzle

and not a leather muzzle,

a steel one.

[Growling]

Don't let him upset you,

darling.

Look at that silly haircut.

Who trims her, the guy that

trims your hedges?

What is it that you want?

Damages for your mongrel, money

for cleaning your trousers?

I want

a saliva test made of her

and I want it now!

You want what?

A saliva test.

She may be mad.

That silly lookin' thing

may have the rabies!

I'll thank you

not to use such vile words

when you talk about her.

All right, hydrophobia, then.

Have you watched her

for symptoms?

Has she been

frothing at the mouth?

Does her bark sound croupy?

My dear man, if either of these

two dogs is mad, it's yours.

My veterinary

goes over Scheherazade

from snout to tail every week.

She's a dog of superb pedigree

and she gets superb care.

Oh, listen, any mutt

can have rabies.

For the last time, will you stop

referring to her as a mutt?

Have you ever heard

of blood lines? Hers

goes back to the 18th century.

Hmpf. His goes back to as far

as they've been havin' dogs.

Perhaps you've heard of one

of her ancestors, Papillion,

the poodle of Marie Antoinette.

They were both guillotined

in the French Revolution.

Smart move.

Her father belongs

to Czar Nicholas of Russia.

You don't say.

Her mother

to the Infanta of Spain.

His mother belongs to a milkman

in Springfield, Illinois.

And his father...

His father. Well,

You've got me there.

Her twin brothers

belong to a Cardinal

and live in the Vatican.

As for Scheherazade herself,

she has just become engaged...

to the dog of His Majesty,

Francis Joseph the First.

Yeah? Well, Buttons' brother

helps a kid named Stinky O'Hara

deliver newspapers...

and his sister was making an

honest living as a watchdog...

until she was hit

by the Baltimore and Ohio.

How really fascinating.

f your poodle

is so classy...

how come she doesn't know better

than to go around biting

a nice little dog?

If your animal is so clever,

it should know better

than to approach a dog...

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