The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox

Synopsis: It's 1882 on the Barbary Coast. Charlie Malloy aka the Dirtwater Fox, makes his living cheating at cards. His latest venture however is stealing $40,000 from a bunch of outlaws. Bluebird, a saloon performer and prostitute, wants an easy life. When a Mormon, Josiah Widdicombe, comes to town, Bluebird has the idea that being the seventh wife of a Mormon would be a good life - she only has to work once every seven days. She steals Malloy's bag with the money, unaware of the amount inside. She only wants enough to buy a dress to masquerade as a duchess for Widdicombe. The ruse works. On Bluebird's way to Salt Lake City, Malloy catches up with her. Although Bluebird still has every intention of becoming a Mormon wife, the two decide to partner on the scheme of Mormon riches. All the while, the outlaws are on their tail after their $40,000.

Genre: Comedy, Western

Director(s): Melvin Frank

Actors: George Segal, Goldie Hawn, Conrad Janis, Thayer David

Production: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation


IMDB:: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes:: 20%

Collection Edit Watch PDF Buy

: PG
Year:: 1976
: 103 min
: 32 Views

[BELL CLANGING]
[ARGUING IN GERMAN]
[GERMAN]
Schweine!
- [CONTINUES IN GERMAN]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
- Schweinehund!
- [GERMAN]
[SHOUTING RESUMES]
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
[GERMAN]
[GERMAN]
And in case that isn't
perfectly clear...
it means you're the biggest shit-head
in the city of San Francisco.
- Ta-ta!
- Out! Out!
Fifty dollars.
All right, gentlemen,
how many cards?
Gimme two.
- Malloy?
- One.
[MAN]
Two.
- Your bet, Malloy.
- Fifty dollars.
Okay, Malloy, I'm in.
You cheap, two-bit bum!
You wanna feel it, you buy it!
You think I'm doin' volunteer work?
Keep your hands to yourself!.
[MAN] Come on, Trixie! Here, have
another drink! Be a nice little girl!
Huh?
What do you got, Malloy?
Full house.
Aces over kings.
Beats three queens.
Out.
Thank you, gentlemen.
As the saying goes...
the race is not always to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong...
but that's the way to bet.
See ya next payday.
Somebody drop that?
You did, you son of a bitch.
[SCREAMING, ANGRY CHATTERING]
- [MAN] Hang that cheating cardsharp!
- Get that noose!
- String him up!
- "String him up"?
What are you talking about? What kind
of talk is that from nice people?
- String him up!
- [ANGRY CHATTERING CONTINUES]
- Hang him!
- String him up!
Hold it. Hold it! Hold it!
Now, let's not get carried away
with bloodlust.
Where is our cup of human kindness?
Where has it runneth to?
It runneth right up your ass,
that's where!
Somebody get the rope!
[ANGRY CHATTERING CONTINUES]
- Hang him!
- [TRIXIE] Charlie!
Charlie!
God be with you,
Charlie Malloy!
And don't ever forget, you're
the only one who ever got it for free!
- I'll keep it in mind.
- [GUNSHOTS]
- [SCREAMING]
- [MAN] It's the Bloodworths!
- Watch out! It's the Bloodworths!
- Charlie!
It's the Bloodworth gang!
Hit the dirt!
Go!
Get those kids outta here!
[SCREAMING, CHATTERING SUBSIDES]
Oh-ho! Easy! [GRUNTS]
[MAN]
Let's get him out of here.
[GROANING]
- Easy. [GRUNTS]
- [WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
Come on, boy!
Come on, boy! Come on,
Blackjack! Blackjack!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Gentlemen, will you help
Mr. Malloy to his horse.
Ooh! Easy.
Hey, easy. Easy!
Easy!
Sure would like to thank you,
Mr. Bloodworth.
- Forever in your debt.
- You bet your ass you're in our debt.
You're gonna help us with a lady
to help us pull a job.
- What lady? What job?
- Dirtwater.
Oh, can't.Just got kicked out of there
for screwing the banker's wife.
That's the lady. You're gonna be real nice
to her and get the key to the bank.
- What about the banker?
- He's out of town.
- Ain't gonna be any more killin', is there?
- Oh, hell, no.
It's just gonna be fast and friendly.
- You think you can be fast and friendly?
- [CLICKS]
Never been too fast,
but I always been friendly.
You better be, boy.
- Come on!
- Hyah! Hyah!
Hey-hyah! Hey-yah!
[WHISPERING]
All right, Romeo. She's up there.
She's fat, she's ugly
and she's bowlegged.
[SHOUTS] You don't have to whisper,
because she's deaf too!
It's all set up for you. The keys
to the bank are under the mattress.
She's on top of the mattress. When you
get up there, you grab her by the--
Mr. Bloodworth, I don't
tell you how to rob banks.
Don't tell me how to get keys.
Just remember, sonny boy--
fast and friendly.
Got it, Mr. Bloodworth.
Easy. Easy.
[GROANING]
- Street's clear.
- All right, let's go, boys.
[ALL MUTTERING]
Come on, Malloy.
Holdup! Holdup!
[GROANS]
You said there wouldn't
be any killing.
You're still breathin',
ain't ya, sweet lips?
You wanna keep it that way?
Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Melvin Frank

Melvin Frank was an American screenwriter, film producer and film director. He is known for his work on films such as Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, The Court Jester, and A Touch of Class. more…

All Melvin Frank scripts | Melvin Frank Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018