The Dresser Page #5

shouldn't you be getting ready too?

I can't bear to see him like that.

Then best to leave us.

I've had experience of these things.

I know what has to be done.

Imagine waking to that

night after night.

SHE CHUCKLES:

Right, shall we begin

at the beginning? Good evening, Sir.

"Good evening, Norman. "

And how are you this evening, Sir?

"A little tearful, I'm afraid.

And you, Norman?"

Oh, I'm very well, thank you.

I've had ever such a quiet day,

just ironing your costumes,

cleaning your wig and beard,

washing your undies.

And what have you been up to, Sir,

if I may ask?

"Oh, I've been jumping on my hat,

Norman. "

Have you? Well, that's an odd thing

to do. May one ask why?

"Why what, Norman?"

Why have we been jumping

on our hat, Sir?

SIR GRUMBLES:

Shall we play I -Spy?

I spy with my little eye something

beginning with...

A.

I know you won't guess,

so I'll tell you.

A is for actor.

And actors have to work, and actors

have to put on their make-up

and change their frocks and then,

of course, actors have to act.

Good lord. Zounds, madam,

where dost thou get this knowledge?

From a baboon, sir,

that wandered wild in Eden.

Or words to that effect.

There's less than an hour to go

and you usually want more.

So, come on, shall we make a start?

Yes, it's me, Norman,

the one with the soulful eyes.

There.

Drink up. It's tea, not rat poison.

There you go, that's better,

isn't it? Isn't it?

Would you like a biccie?

I saved some from the mayor's

reception in Bridlington.

No?

Would you like one, Norman?

Ooh, I say.

Thank you, I will.

If you don't mind my saying so, Sir,

there seems little point

in discharging yourself

from hospital and then coming to

sit here like Niobe prior

to being turned into stone.

So, shall we make a start?

No, no, don't do that.

That's what I'm here for.

HE SOBS:

Ohh!

Oh, I know how it feels.

I had a friend,

worse than you, he was,

and all they ever wanted to do

with him was put him away.

And no-one should have to

go through that.

That's what my friend said.

You know they'll send you

to Colwyn Bay

and you never do any

business in Colwyn Bay.

And guess what got my friend well?

Sounds silly this.

An offer of work.

Can you understudy Scrubby?

Outward Bound, start Monday.

He discharged himself, just like

you, my friend did, took the train

up to London, found digs

in Brixton and never looked back.

What do you make of that?

An offer of work.

It meant that someone...

.. was thinking of him.

It was ever such a comfort.

And here's something

to cheer you up.

A full house tonight.

People thinking of you,

wanting to see you act.

Really? A full house?

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