The Desperate Trail

What did you say that thing is?

It's a farming implement

of the latest scientific design.

It's a present for a friend of mine.

Is that your kids?

Excuse me.

It's my brother and I as boys.

Afraid I'm just an old maid.

You need a family, boy.

Sea, it says in the Good Book...

"Take you a wife."

That's what he told Adam.

"Take a rib and make you a wife."

Mamie here is my helpmate and my faith.

Of course, a man's got to be

king in his family, only way.

So it seems.

Excuse me, ma'am, I was wondering--

I don't know nothing about farming.

More money in horses.

Did you break any horses back there

in New York, Cooper?

No, can't say as I have.

Make sure you stop them horses.

- Fergus, get them folks off the stage.

- Kill them?

Not unless they ask you nicely.

Excuse me, ma'am, I was wondering--

Busted me a horse last year,

must've been 1,200 pounds.

Gotta show them who's boss.

Same as with women.

It's Latin.

"Manly excellence flourishes in trial."

Excuse me. I was wondering...

Would you happen to be stopping

in Three Forks?

- Why?

- Well...

If you don't have any prior

engagements, with all due respect...

I was wondering if you'd

like to have dinner with me?

Go chase yourself.

Afraid Miss O'Rourke can't make it.

Needs her beauty rest.

Got an appointment bright and early.

I'll be damned.

I love it.

Let's go.

Stop!

Get them people out of there!

All right, everybody out of there.

Easy.

Who's a hero? You?

- How about you?

- Not me, ma'am.

Everybody all right?

Fine. Very fine.

Act stupid, and your face will

have a new hole.

Undo your gun belt.

Undo these bracelets.

Now move back.

All of you, get out.

Move!

- There's no need to insult me by--

- Move it!

You made me drop my box.

Now lock yourself to the stage.

See how it feels.

You, get that strongbox down.

Let's see what we got here.

You gonna add thieving to killing, girl?

If it gets me out of here.

What are you gonna do, hang me twice?

Hey, fancy pants,

get one of those saddlebags.

- Who? Me?

- Move it!

Bring it over here, put this scratch in it.

And don't get no sticky fingers.

No. Needn't worry about me.

How'd you get that shiner, ma'am?

- She fell.

- Anybody talking to you?

I didn't think so.

How'd you get it?

I fell down.

Looks like he fell down, too.

MY Bye.

Here's your scratch.

Ma'am, do you mind

if I ask you a question?

You see, I don't understand how you can

make a success of robbing when...

You can't hold on to the damn gun.

Good work, son.

- Shoot the b*tch!

- Get over there.

Go on.

Go on. You too, miss.

Now, miss, if you'd do me a favor

and lock the Marshall...

And Mr. Hollister there around

the window, I'd appreciate that.

Well, I certainly didn't plan it like this...

But as my old Latin teacher used to say,

carpe diam.

So, what's her appointment for anyway?

I'm taking this whore

to hang for killing a man.

A little advice.

When you're handcuffed...

Refrain from insulting comments.

By the way, Mr. Hollister...

- How did your wife get that black eye?

- How the hell do you think?

I smacked her.

Jesus!

The Bible says love and protect

your family, not beat them.

I think I'm gonna be on my way.

You can keep that appointment

if you want to.

You son of a b*tch! That money's mine!

Not as long as I got the gun, it ain't.

You all take care now.

I'll have a bed and a bottle.

I'll have the bottle now.

- I'll have a woman, too.

- Take your pick.

Right there. The one with the dark hair.

- Go chase yourself.

- Jane.

Kind of reminds me of someone I know.

Don't we all?

Janie, number 3.

What's in the box?

Something that stays with me.

Your property's safe as sin

in there, mister.

Yeah?

It better be, 'cause anybody so much as

thinks of those saddlebags...

And you're a dead man. Got it?

You.

Where're you going?

I gotta water the flowers.

There's a chamber pot under the bed.

A gentleman never relieves

himself in front of a lady.

You see you a lady anywhere,

you let me know.

Don't go anywhere, please.

You was fast.

Got here as soon as I could.

Since I already paid for the night...

What do you say we have...

A little reprise?

Hey, what do you

have your clothes on for?

- How did you get in here?

- I want my money.

Well, that's an interesting

way of putting it.

- As I recall, that's Wells Fargo's money.

-Not anymore, it ain't.

What?

It's Latin.

Loosely translated, it means:

"I stole that money fair and square."

Yeah, fancy pants?

I seem to remember you saying the

scratch belongs to the one with the gun.

In case you ain't noticed,

this Remington's staring at your face.

Well, that may be so.

But I have another gun

under this pillow here...

And it's staring at your

much more beautiful face.

Do you now?

I truly do, ma'am.

So whichever one of us gets hit first...

Tenses, pulls the trigger, then we both die.

Well, that's an interesting idea.

If you had bullets in that gun.

What'd you think I was doing

while you were in the shitter?

Swapping fingers with Miss Lorelei?

Think I'd leave that gun loaded?

I don't believe you.

Well, sir, is that a chance

you want to take?

Well, you are something, ain't you?

Now, where's my money?

It's downstairs in the safe.

Don't make me stupid.

I wouldn't wanna do that.

What is this thing?

- That's a farming implement.

- Yeah? What's it do?

It fixes the ground,

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