The Demented Page #2

F***ing jackass,

I've got my laptop in there.

- What, is that your bag?

- Yeah.

- Dude, I thought that was Taylor's.

- No, man.

Something wrong with you, boy.

Now me and the lady...

me and the lady are gonna take

the other master bedroom

where we will make

sweet, passionate love.

Unless, of course, you guys... you know,

you want to switch it up a bit

and the dudes can take

this bedroom here

while me and the ladies

take the other one.

- What?

- Stop it.

- Is that bad?

- That's enough.

Baby. Wow.

Ladies, you want to go

check out the back yard?

- Sure.

- How is this not a j...? Look, baby,

oh, this is... only in pretend

would you and your friends

sleep with me in the same bed.

- Huh?

- Grow up.

- Yeah? Unless you want to.

- Bye.

Would you just think about it?

Oh, I love you too, baby,

light of my life.

Whoo! Oh!

Oh, my God.

Let's go. Let's go.

# She's far from an angel

and as far as I can tell #

# She'll take you to heaven

after dragging you through hell #

# She'll love you like a woman,

but she'll hate you like a man... #

What's up, baby boy?

# She's an iron horse rider

with hot red lips #

# Got a tattoo on her shoulder

crawling down to her hips... #

Highlands' pride, right here.

# Well, she's so tough... #

Oh, you're in so much trouble.

# It makes my knees

weak every time #

# When I see her strutting,

baby, please #

# I'm begging and I'm pleading #

# Lady, don't you stop #

# Doing what you do to me #

# Tied and twisted in a knot #

# I know you're just a woman #

# I'm losing my cool,

and that's what makes me pop #

Whoop, whoop!

# I see you standing there at the bar

without your friends #

# Just waiting on the wrecking ball

to swing on in... #

Right, I'm going to run inside

and grab some beers.

- Does anyone want one?

- Yeah, I'll take one.

Hey.

Yeah. I'll take two.

- Growing boy, need my vitamins.

- I'm out.

- And grab one for Naomi.

- Thank you.

Yeah, five bucks says

he can't carry that many beers.

Yes, he can.

- He can.

- He dragged Howie in.

So what do you guys say...

tomorrow we go to the lake,

take out the Jet Skis?

Jet Skis? Really?

Champions right here.

- Oh, okay.

- Baby, you tell them.

- We'll have competition over here.

- Competition.

I really don't know

how you can be better at Jet Skis.

Um, f***.

Um...

Newbuck residence.

This is Mr. Newbuck.

Get Howard.

Are you all right, Mr. Newbuck?

There's been a rogue

terrorist attack on the Gulf Coast.

Jesus. Oh.

Uh, uh, hey, guys!

Come in here for a second.

You couldn't carry

that many beers?

Howard?

Howard, are you there?

Yeah, Pop.

What's going on?

Howard, I'm still in New York.

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