The Cooler Page #5

all over the room #...

# And blow

on some other guy's dice #...

# So let's keep

this party polite #...

# Never get out of my sight #...

# Stick with me, baby,

I'm the fella you

came in with #...

# Luck, be a lady tonight... #

Sorry.

# Luck, let a gentleman see... #

It's okay, Bernie.

I've had worse.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, God.

I know I'm gonna pay for this,

I just--

I don't know who you are

or what-- I don't...

This was good and I'm glad.

I don't care.

You've got a great cock.

You've--

Thank you.

So...

want to go get

some breakfast?

They've got these rules

about casinos hiring felons,

so he got me a gig

in telemarketing.

We were scamming

pensioners...

out of their retirement money.

I lasted two weeks.

Here you go.

- By that time...

I was really getting in deep.

I owed one of the casinos

over a hundred grand.

I put Shelly

in a really awkward position.

I don't blame him

for what he did.

What?

Your leg?

He did that to you?

He shot you?

- No. Baseball bat.

I got off easy.

What do you mean

you 'got off easy'?

I was out of control.

He maimed you,

for f***'s sake!

Listen to me.

I'm grateful for what he did.

I am absolutely serious.

Anytime I get an urge

to play off the clock...

or so much as drop

a quarter in a slot,

I just reach down and feel

what's left of my cartilage.

It's an excellent reminder.

- Jesus Christ.

I thought sh*t like that

only happened in the movies.

Anyway, Shelly and

I worked out...

a repayment plan.

Six years off the books...

at the Shangri-La

cooling tables...

and in five days...

- Three.

Oh! Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God! Now?

Are you sure?

I'm going into labor.

Yeah, I'm going into labor.

Ow-ww!

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Stay very calm.

Okay, everybody, we're having

a baby, we're having a baby.

You f***ing cocksucker!

Who puts their bag...

in the middle of

the f***ing thing...

so a pregnant woman

can trip over it?

Mikey?

- Bernie.

I guess you're gonna be

a grandfather, Bernie.

Huh. Is this you?

Hey, what the f***,

it runs.

Here, sit down.

You all right?

- Yeah.

Anyway, we've got

to get out of here.

Hey, Mikey.

How's your mom doing?

I'm gonna pretend

like you give a sh*t...

and tell you she's getting by

as long as she's high.

Her name is Charlene,

in case you were wondering.

Hey, when's the last time

you saw a doctor?

About six months ago,

back in Jersey.

I wasn't about to go back there

after they treated me like cattle.

Just 'cause I had

no insurance, you know?

All those places are crawling

with TB from them spics.

Listen, Mikey,

if you want to...

why don't you drop by

the Bettor Life Motel,

give us a chance to...

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