The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes

[Up-tempo music plays]

(music) The computer

wore tennis shoes (music)

(music) And a twinkle in his eye (music)

(music) Never met a groovier dude,

an electric kind of guy (music)

(music) A socket shock (music)

(music) And suddenly socked him

into a real cerebral high (music)

(music) Growing his mind

into the kind (music)

(music) That leaves old Einstein

wigging out behind (music)

(music) The computer

wore tennis shoes (music)

(music) And a smile upon his face (music)

(music) Turnin' on every chick in town

at a cosmothropic pace (music)

(music) A guy that crazed and amazed

and otherwise dazed (music)

(music) The whole darn human race (music)

(music) Makin' the news,

payin' his dues (music)

(music) That turned-on, uptight,

flat out-of-sight (music)

(music) Totally together

computer in tennis shoes (music)

(music) A guy that crazed and amazed

and otherwise dazed (music)

(music) The whole darn human race (music)

(music) Makin' the news,

payin' his dues (music)

(music) That turned-on, uptight,

flat out-of-sight (music)

(music) Totally together

computer in tennis shoes (music)

(music) Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo (music)

(music) Baa, baa, baa, baa (music)

(music) Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo (music)

(music) Baa, ba-ba-ba-ba, baa, baa (music)

Professor Quigley, I'm sure

that we all appreciate

your interest in progress,

but a computer.

Well, that is a luxury

that we just cannot afford.

Dean Higgins, today,

a computer can hardly

be considered a luxury.

Oh, very well.

Then it is a necessity

that we just cannot afford.

Now, unfortunately,

Medfield has quite

a long list of necessities,

and a computer

just does not have

a very high priority

on that list.

Now, it's not

that I'm old-fashioned.

You all know that I have

an open ear for progress,

and we do all that we can.

Why, when Mrs. Ferguson

wanted live frogs

for her biology lab,

we went to the expense

of live frogs.

Just last month, we purchased

brand-new Bunsen burners

for our chemistry class.

We're not dragging

our feet, Quigley.

Why, I just put an order

in today

for two garbage disposals

and an electric dishwasher

- Anything yet, Bradley?

- For our cafeteria.

- Not on us.

- Talk about modernization.

- Quig's still fighting

the battle of the computer.

- And it's expensive, too.

How's he doing?

Yeah, that figures.

Aw, Higgins is

weaseling out again.

What's he pulling

this time?

Ah, he's got a new one.

- Hi, Dex.

- He says he's spending

too much money

for frogs and Bunsen burners

and garbage disposals.

Thanks.

Quigley, you talk

about $ 10, 000

as though it were 10 cents.

You just don't understand

the problem.

Do you know what the

telephone bill alone

is here every month?

Take State.

I don't want to hear

about State.

Yeah,

but do you realize

that they give

an entire course in

computer technology?

Now, I don't like to draw

comparisons, gentlemen,

but if we want to keep

abreast of the times

and raise

our academic average,

- [Gavel bangs]

- We have got to modernize.

Modernization isn't everything.

Uh, huh...

Yes, uh, Regent Deeds.

Thank you very much.

That's... that's well-put.

[Clears throat]

Gentlemen, I, uh,

I wouldn't like this

to get any further

than this room,

but frankly,

we are down to the nitty-gritty

on our budget.

The building program

is bogged down.

The bankers in this town

won't even answer

my phone calls.

Why, we raffled off

everything on the campus

but the women's gym.

I tell you, gentlemen,

it is tough to be the dean

of a college today.

It's tough, tough, tough.

Unrest.

Everywhere you look, unrest.

Now, I wonder

who's behind that.

Hmm.

Oh, uh, that part

about the unrest,

that's, uh, that's off

the record, Mrs. Winifred.

[Clears throat]

So, Quigley, I'm sorry,

but I'm certain that you

understand our problem.

That's it.

They killed him.

Now, for the next item

on the agenda...

Us?

Deadwood.

Us.

Well-put, Dean.

An apt title for

the ne'er-do-wells

who ought to be expunged

from this...

Leonard...

The not-so-gifted students'

needs are just as great

as those

of the gifted ones.

Quigley, this is a competitive

educational institution.

All right, gentlemen,

all right.

Now, um, Quigley, we do have

certain ne'er-do-wells

that must be seen to.

Therefore, I'm suggesting

that the following students

be placed on probation...

Quigley:
Probation

is no substitute

for catching the interest

of the student,

for firing

his imagination.

- Yeah.

- Come on, Quig.

- Thattaboy.

Higgins:
Timothy Balsen,

John Colligan, Roger Demney,

Henry Fathinger,

- Eeeeehh!

...Myles Harris,

Adam Jervins,

Keith Richards,

Dexter Reilly...

Ugh! They got me!

Dexter, it's not funny.

...Robert Ross,

Sliver Roth.

Sliver?

A man with a name like that

has no business in a college.

Arnold Sandy,

Stanley Tyler...

He missed me.

He went through all the S's.

- Hey, that's right.

- Nice going.

Dexter:

What about Schuyler?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, of course.

Richard Schuyler.

Put him on there.

Richard Schuyler.

[Laughter]

Thanks a lot.

He's sick.

No, it's just plain hate.

That man's all hate.

You know, Quig really cares,

but the guy can't even

reason with him.

Well, how can you

reason with a guy who

lives in the Dark Ages?

Hey, wouldn't it be terrific

if we swing it for old Quig?

Well, swing what?

The computer.

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