The Competition Page #3

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and she told me

about the blog.

I... I was intrigued.

No. What about all that about

donating to Popular Science magazine.

I mean, you were

outside my office...

Just an excuse to meet you.

I didn't know you were

going to sprain your ankle,

but, um, yeah.

I mean, if you

read the blog,

then why you would

want to meet me?

You intrigued me.

You still do.

Hey, come on,

this past week

has been great, right?

So, um...

maybe you show me more.

More of the real you.

OK, you want to see more?

Come up to my office.

OK.

So, as you can see,

the blog is...

kind of a big deal.

Are these all your followers?

I've got just under

two million globally.

I was even thinking about turning

the whole thing into a book.

Wow, it's impressive.

It is.

And the blog's good,

too, I've read it.

But you know what

impresses me more?

The fact that you haven't

written anything since we met.

Had a full week,

not one post.

It gives a guy a little hope.

You know. Hope that maybe

the Pig Slayer has met someone?

She's ready to turn over a new

leaf and shut all this down?

Shut it down?

What would I tell

all these people?

I mean, I'm sorry,

but some of them,

I've actually

changed their lives.

For example, this one.

"I asked my heart

to please stop breaking.

I prayed to God for a cure.

Then I found the Pig Slayer."

They kind of depend on me.

I can't just shut it down.

Sure, you can.

What is that?

That there... B minus C,

what is all that?

That's my infidelity formula.

That's what the theory

is based on.

Your infidelity formula.

- Yeah.

- OK, explain.

OK, OK...

So all of these variables

are assigned a value of 1-10,

10 being the highest,

and you multiply boredom

by the difference between

the excitement of someone new

and the familiarity

of comfort,

and you subtract from that

the fear of conflict,

added with

the opportunity to cheat,

and that final value,

if that's 20 or higher,

then that person

is gonna cheat.

And as a failsafe,

you break up

after six months of dating.

Statistically speaking it's not

safe to date for longer than that.

And it works?

Well, two million people

agree with me.

It's... getting kind of late.

Um, I should feed Ripley

and go to bed.

How can you be so sure?

I mean, essentially

you are breaking up

with these people

before they cheat.

Before they have

the opportunity to cheat.

Yeah, but what if they

never would have at all?

People cheat.

All they need

is the opportunity

and to know

they won't get caught.

- That's your theory?

- Yeah.

Based on a pretty kick-ass

formula, yes, that's my theory.

And you won't be

convinced otherwise?

That's just how it is

- and how it's going to be, forever?

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