The Carer Page #2

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I saw how much he was suffering

because he couldn't produce...

Stool?

Yes, the word is stool.

So sometimes I took him

into the lavatory,

and I put my finger into his, uh...

Rectum...

Rectum, yes, thank you.

To relieve him.

I didn't like doing it, but he was

my father, and he was in pain.

And that's what it's all about, right?

Helping and relieving.

Okay, well, I suppose

you can stay for a day or two.

Milly, will you take care

of Miss Horvat?

Make sure she's fed and...

Well, you know.

Is that okay with everyone?

Good.

So, what made them

change their minds, miss?

- I did.

- Oh! [CHUCKLES]

Excuse me, where is this one from?

Oh, Lord. BBC.

Some king or other.

Lots of kings. 1978.

- And that one up there?

- Troilus and Cressida.

Very good.

[CROAKING]

[GROANING]

Sh*t.

[GRUNTS] A-ha!

Got you, you little bastard.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Yes. Okay, you're

going back in the pond.

Yes.

Sh*t.

[STRAINING]

Argh!

(SIR MICHAEL) Help!

Someone, come on!

Help me!

Hey! Someone f***ing help me!

Help me!

When you've quite finished gawping,

would you please be so kind as to get

me out of this suppurating rose bush?

I feel like Buster f***ing Keaton

on a bad day.

[BOTH STRUGGLING]

[SIGHING]

- Who the f*** are you?

- I am Dorottya.

I didn't ask your sodding name,

I asked who the f*** you are.

What are you doing in my garden?

I'm your new career.

- You're my "new career"?

- Yes.

Now, there's a depressing thought.

[FROGS CROAKING]

F***ing frogs!

I've spent a fortune on this

adventure park for them,

and the little buggers

won't even go near the place.

Why do you think that is?

They just can't appreciate beauty.

What did you say your name was, again?

Dordogne? Torino? Burrito?

Dorottya.

You're a scrawny little thing.

I pulled you up, didn't I?

Not very pretty.

Actually... Well, I think...

You look like a girl

I used to fancy in nursery.

Which you look as

if you're still attending.

And don't say I look like someone.

I'm too famous to look like anyone else.

Other people look like me.

If they're lucky.

Oh! Oh.

I think I need to lie down.

I'm going to be sick.

Oh! No.

[VOMITING]

(MILLY) Michael.

Michael, you are all right?

What's happening?

Don't fuss, Milly. I'm all right.

Tickety boo, never better.

You are covered in rose petals.

- Oh, yes, yes, rose petals.

- Didn't you know?

This young lady and I just got married.

- Really?

- I'm sorry you haven't been introduced.

This is Lady Dordogne

Dorito Burrito Gifford.

And we're on our way

to consummate the union.

For God's sake.

Oh, Milly, please, don't upset yourself.

Just go back where you came

from and leave me alone.

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