The Canterville Ghost Page #3

THANKS.

VERY GOOD, SIR.

NOW, LISTEN,

FELLAS.

IT SAYS HERE IN THE LITTLE

INSTRUCTION BOOK,

"WHEN YOU'RE GUESTS

OF THE BRITISH,

"YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE

YOU'D EXPECT THEM TO AC IF THEY CAME TO AMERICA."

REMEMBER WHAT IT SAYS

ABOUT FOOD.

HERE.

"IF A BRITISHER

EXHORTS YOU TO EA "OR JOIN HIM IN A SPOT OF TEA,

GO EASY.

"IT MAY BE HIS RATION

FOR ONE WEEK,

SPREAD OUT JUST TO SHOW YOU

HIS HOSPITALITY."

EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN,

BUT LADY JESSICA WOULD LIKE

TO SAY GOOD EVENING.

LADY JESSICA?

OH, BOY!

YES. LADY JESSICA

DE CANTERVILLE,

THE OWNER:

OF THE CASTLE.

WELL, UH, TELL HER

WE'D BE HONORED.

VERY GOOD, SIR.

WHAT DO YOU SAY:

TO A DAME THAT'S A LADY?

DO YOU HAVE TO:

KISS HER HAND?

NOW, WATCH IT.

LADY JESSICA:

DE CANTERVILLE.

GOOD EVENING,

GENTLEMEN.

HOLY SMOKE!

IT'S A MIDGET.

NO. IT'S A HALF-PINT.

HOW DO YOU DO?

I KNOW YOU'VE

COME A LONG WAY,

AND I WANT YOU:

ALL TO KNOW:

I'M GLAD

YOU'RE HERE.

AND I DO SO HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY YOUR STAY

IN MY CASTLE.

THANK YOU,

MY LADY,

AND MAY I SAY ON

BEHALF OF MY COMPATRIOTS

THAT WE'RE VERY GRATEFUL

FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

YEAH, LIKEWISE.

YOU'RE OK,

YOUR MAJESTY.

THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

YOU'LL EXCUSE

THE FELLAS, I HOPE.

WE THOUGHT LADY JESSICA

WAS, UH-

I THOUGHT A GIRL HAD TO BE

MARRIED BEFORE SHE WAS A LADY.

HA HA HA!

OH, DEAR, NO.

A LADY IS A LADY

WHEN SHE BEHAVES LIKE ONE,

MY AUNTIE SAYS.

YOUR AUNTIE:

IS QUITE RIGHT.

WHICH OF YOU:

ARE INDIANS?

HA HA HA!

HE'S AN INDIAN.

YES? TO WHICH TRIBE

DO YOU BELONG?

HE'S

A HOBOKEN INDIAN.

I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER READ

ABOUT THAT TRIBE.

HA HA HA HA.

TEA IS SERVED,

GENTLEMEN.

OF COURSE.

OF COURSE.

WILL YOU POUR,

MY LADY?

I WILL BE HAPPY TO.

FINE.

THIS WAY, GENTLEMEN.

MORE TEA?

NO, THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU.

WHO DID THAT?

WHO DID IT?

THAT'S NOT TEA,

SIR.

OH, IT ISN'T?

JORDAN, GET THAT BOTTLE OF

CLEANING FLUID OUT OF THE TRUCK.

OK.

IT'S NO USE,

SIR.

NOTHING WILL:

TAKE IT OUT.

WHAT MADE THAT SPO WAS... BLOOD.

BLOOD?

BLOOD?

BLOOD.

BLOOD?

QUITE SO.

THAT'S THE BLOOD

OF LADY BARBARA MODISH,

WHO STABBED HERSELF

IN THE THROA WHEN SHE SAW... HIM.

HIM?

WHO-WHO IS HIM?

SIR SIMON.

OUR GHOST.

OH.

YOUR GHOST,

DID YOU SAY?

YES. HE'S QUITE THE MOS FAMOUS GHOST IN ENGLAND,

AND HE LIVES HERE

IN THIS CASTLE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

TAKE IT EASY.

WELL, IF YOU DON' WANT ME TO TELL YOU-

OH, BUT WE DO.

GIVE THE LADY:

A CHANCE, FELLAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS IN THE LITTLE

WELL, IF SHE SAYS

THE CASTLE IS HAUNTED,

WHO ARE WE TO QUIBBLE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT MAY SOUND:

SILLY TO YOU,

BUT AUNTIE TOLD ME

THE SPOT WON'T COME OUT.

REALLY.

AND I'VE EVEN SEEN

THE GHOST MYSELF.

NO FOOLING?

AND THAT'S THE DOOR

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