The Bride Came C.O.D.

Synopsis: Oil heiress Joan is going to elope with bandleader Allen whom she's known four days. Out-of-money pilot Steve is going to fly them to Nevada but makes a deal with her father to deliver her home unmarried. He flies off with her, an apparent kidnaping, but is forced down in the desert. The bandleader arrives with a preacher, but their marriage (in California, not Nevada) is not valid. Pilot Steve will marry her because her father is a millionaire.
Director(s): William Keighley
Production: Warner Home Video
92 min

Hello, Charlie!

Got anybody important in there?

- No, Mr. Keenan. Just a drunk.

- Why do you bother with small fry?

Just an hour till I go on the air

and not one single juicy item.

You boys have certainly let me down.

You're the one that was beefing

for reform in Los Angeles.

Now that you got it, you're beefing again.

I bet five minutes after I go off the air

the whole town'll break loose.

I always said, Tommy,

you went on too early.

People don't get ornery

until after midnight.

- Well, I...

- Calling car number 64.

Car number 64.

This ought to be something.

Don't forget it's only two days

to the policemen's ball,

and you're way behind

on your quota. Bradley.

- How about you buying a ticket, Tommy?

- No, let me out here. It's the Embassy.

Thanks, boys.

I won't buy a ticket, but I'll be at the ball.

- Hi.

- Good evening, Mr. Keenan.

Hello, Mabel. Any news?

I can't divulge anything personal,

but see that chesterfield on the rack?

- Yeah.

- That chesterfield's wife is a chinchilla,

but he's here tonight with a mink.

The skunk.

Forty-five minutes from broadcast time

- and they bother me with...

- No news, Tommy.

No news?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And that, ladies and gentlemen,

concludes our show for the nonce.

But, before turning you over to the boys

for a little dancing,

I have a short announcement to make.

Today, in Los Angeles, or "Los Angeles,"

as we native sons say,

as it must to all men,

happiness came to yours truly, Allen Brice.

For today, at exactly 8:57,

after much pressure, mind you,

I consented to become a bridegroom.

Do I hear groans

from the ladies in the audience?

Well, as you know of course, in California,

you can't get married for three days.

So that gives the rest of you girls

just exactly 72 hours

in which to make me a better offer.

Yes. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I've got a better idea.

The lucky girl, who's with us tonight,

will have the spotlight thrown on her

so the rest of you girls can go over

and scratch her eyes out.

Presenting Miss Joan Winfield.

Oh, no, no.

There must be some mistake, folks.

The last time I saw Joan she was a blonde.

Keep throwing that spotlight around, Joe.

We'll find her.

Allen's doing pretty good for a musician.

A Texas oil heiress.

I hardly know what to say.

- She's in the...

- Where?

And ladies and gentlemen, there she is.

Tell me, darling.

How's the weather in Chicago?

Listen, Joan.

You didn't call me long-distance,

person to person,

just to ask about the weather in Chicago.

Incidentally, it's fine.

Well, not exactly.

I wanted to find out how you were, too.

After the weather comes your father.

Well, incidentally, I'm okay, too.

Well, there was another reason that I...

Are you there? Hey! Hey!

- Oh, but, Father, I... You see...

- I told them about us, darling.

Come on. Take a bow.

Joan. What's going on out there? Hey!

Joan. Speak to me.

Well, I... How did you say

the weather in Chicago was?

I answered that once,

and it's too expensive to tell you again.

Well, all right, here it is,

straight from the shoulder. I...

Sorry, your three minutes are up.

Deposit another $2, please.

Operator, please, wait a minute.

Well, never mind, Joan.

You know how I am. I know how you are.

Chicago's fine.

No need to waste any more money.

- Goodbye. Thanks for calling.

- But...

Come, darling.

They want to see us together.

Hiya, Tommy.

Joan, you know Tommy Keenan?

- Oh, of course. How do you do?

- Hi.

Tommy, I'm a lucky man.

"To all the dream girls rolled into one

the moon, the stars, the earth, the sun"

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Kenneth Earl

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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