The Boys Are Back Page #4

You want to talk about Tinker?

Well, I learned to swim,

and she teached me

and I done the doggy paddle.

All right. Your turn, Johnnie.

Who have you got?

This is my fish, and I like it

because it's looking at me right now,

for some reason,

and all my other fishes died.

Do you want to say

something about the cat?

Cat food looks better than it tastes.

All right, who's next?

- It's all there.

- Thanks.

It should be self-explanatory.

Good morning,

ladies and gentlemen.

We might as well start with sport.

Joe, what have you got for me?

- No rush.

- First up, cricket. We're leading...

No, no. Not you. Joe.

Yeah, we're...

We're leading with

the Aussie touring party to India,

who were well

and truly stuffed in Jaipur

by the Rajasthan Academy XI.

- Good to have you back.

- Good to be back.

Okay, what's next?

Hi. Joe Warr. Sorry I'm late.

And thanks for sorting him out

this morning.

I promise you he doesn't eat cat food.

Well, not at home, anyway.

We don't even have a cat.

So, how do you think he's doing?

I know it's only his first day back,

but how does he seem to you?

- I'm...

- I mean, everyone grieves differently,

I suppose. You know, there are

some times where he plays happily

and charts his mother's progress

in heaven, and then other times...

At some point every day,

he collapses into a sort of coma.

Sinks to the floor and just lies there.

Half an hour later, he gets up

and carries on like nothing's happened.

He has some very weird moods,

but then so do I. So...

You do actually know

I'm not Artie's teacher?

Hmm?

- I'm Lucy's mum. She's in Artie's class.

- Right.

I'm actually just waiting

for Miss West myself.

- But this morning, you were...

- I was just helping out.

- Of course you were.

- Yeah.

It's been a good term

and he's making really good...

Is that Miss West?

Mmm-hmm.

She's a different person altogether.

I know. Spooky, isn't it?

Right.

Well, I'll just join the queue, then.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming.

They're scribbling.

Hey.

- Are you sure you're not a teacher?

- Well, I do take them for art.

So, how did it go?

He seems to be doing

rather better than I am.

You know,

if there's anything I could do,

like, if you ever want me

to take him for you...

- Really?

- Yeah. Absolutely.

Three mouths are as easy to feed

as two, so... Be a pleasure.

- I'm in the buzz book.

- Sorry?

Here, give me your phone.

There we are.

Now we've got each other's.

- Hey! What are you doing?

- That hurt.

You must never do that!

You never cross the road without me.

Come on, Artie. I said I'm sorry.

- He's hungry.

- That's why I'm shopping.

It's a bit pathetic, isn't it,

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