The Barbarian Invasions

to my daughter MingXia

London, 2:
30 p.m.

- Hi, Mom.

- Hi, dear.

l have bad news.

Montreal, 9:
30 a.m.

Your dad's prognosis isn't good.

You have to come.

Did he ask you to call?

Not in so many words.

We saw each other

for 1 5 minutes last summer.

We had nothing to say.

With his flat, bank account,

insurance, the university...

Your sister's in Australia.

lt's too much for me.

l'll see if Galle can come.

London, 2:
35 p.m.

Hi, love.

He's worse?

- l have to be there.

l'll come.

You don't have to come.

l've warned you

you'll never get rid of me.

- Do you hear me complaining?

- You better not.

Seeing it's Monday morning,

l'll give you five minutes to get them.

We're now starting the aerobics,

so get moving.

We'll start with jogging

on the spot.

Because l loved you.

You'll never understand that.

Women aren't afraid to love.

We commit ourselves.

We don't forever lie

and shun responsibility!

l wasted four years of my life

waiting for you!

The best years of my life!

Good luck finding another woman like me!

Careful. He's very ill.

l don't care!

We're talking about my life here!

And what do l have to show for it?

Nothing!

lf at least you'd pleasured me.

Because l've got news for you, darling.

You're not equipped to pleasure anyone!

l don't want to bruise your ego,

but l've had better.

My performance in bed with you

was Oscar-worthy!

But you never doubted it, did you?

No, never.

Never, never, never!

- Ow.

- Oh, no you don't!

That's too easy.

Cheating on me for four years

with Sylviane Dupuis, Ginette Mongrain,

Mireille Ttrault!

That woman weighs a ton!

Ginette Mongrain?

Yes! You don't remember

your own mistresses?

You've had too many.

- Ginette Mongrain...

Ginette Mongrain.

The string bean from Olivieri's.

- l never slept with her.

- She told me herself.

At least have the guts to admit it!

- She told you that?

- Damn right.

l swear...

l don't remember.

THE BARBARlAN lNVASlONS

The body of Christ.

Amen.

Have a good day.

The body of Christ.

The communion's over here.

The body of Christ.

Amen.

On the way back, perhaps?

And there you have it!

What a comeback!

How's Mr. Desmarais?

l don't know.

l'm not Mr. Desmarais.

Sorry, the computer system

is a mess.

Constance Lazure.

My wife, Louise.

Must be hard having him here.

l threw him out 1 5 years ago.

So whether he's here

or humping co-eds in his condo...

Gimme a break.

You know it's been years

since l humped a co-ed.

And Raphalle Metellus?

She was Dominique's student,

not mine.

You were her personal tutor?

"Kneel down, open wide.

Careful, don't bite!"

l'd best continue my rounds.

Have a good day!

You too, Sister.

Goodbye!

l called Sbastien

to let him know.

- You did?

- He's coming.

l see.

Aren't you glad?

Lovely, we can play

his video games.

He's still young.

OK, but couldn't he have read

one book in his life?

Any book?

ls that asking too much?

He may not read, but he earns

more in a month than you in a year.

Thanks a lot.

That's OK, we had room.

lt's flying to Belfast Monday...

l'll probably

have to stay longer.

- The British Museum?

- No, it's in the National Gallery.

ln the basement.

- The Trafalgar Square Museum, right?

Yes, exactly.

My darling!

You must be exhausted.

What time is it for you?

Galle, how are you, dear?

Fine, thank you.

Hello, sir.

Young man.

You remember Galle?

Galle is unforgettable.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

No private rooms?

l'm lucky l'm not in the hall.

l tried,

all l got was voice mail.

What's going on over here?

l guess you're fixing the wiring.

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