The Art of the Steal Page #4

And what are you going to do? Are you

gonna sell f***in' insurance or something?

Just shut the f*** up

and cheer up, please.

[DOOR BELL]

Allow me.

Yo, Dennis Calhoun?

Who's asking?

- It's f***in' Sunny.

- Sounds about right.

Hey, Crunch, there's some guy with

an eye-patch here to see you.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING] Oh, easy, man!

Where's your f***in' brother?

I was gonna cut bait and go home then I

realized Nicky said he had a brother.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

- [GRUNTING]

- Oww. F***!

Sweet Baby Jesus.

What are you, a pirate?

Hey, hey, hey. Look! I don't

know where Nicky is, all right.

- He said you work with him.

- Yeah, a long time ago.

Now, look, I got like $300

stashed in the bedroom there.

It's yours. A guy in your line of

work might prefer doubloons...

I'm not a f***in' pirate!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

I don't even talk to Nicky.

I hate him.

Here's what's what.

I want the 30 grand

- or I want that f***in' painting.

- What painting?

The Seurat.

Whoa! Whoa! What?

- The Seurat!

- What?

The Georges Seurat,

you ignorant f***!

The seminal French

"Post-Impressionalist".

The father of pointillism.

That Georges Seurat,

you f***in' baboon.

Now I want the 30 grand,

the painting

or a bullet in your

f***ing head!

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- [FRANCIE, MUFFLED] Hey, uh...

- [FLUSHES TOILET]

- Crunch, is everything OK?

- [CRUNCH] Yeah.

What... what's happening,

exactly?

- Nothing.

- What?

I'm being held at

gunpoint by a pirate.

I'm in the bathroom.

What do you think, Francie?

All right. Sorry

for f***in' askin'!

I ain't leavin'

without the 30 grand.

Sorry, Sinbad, but I don't think

that musketoon's gonna even fire.

So go ahead and pull the trigger

'cause I got no painting,

no Nicky and

no 30 f***ing grand!

Who owns that

f***in' bike outside?

Wait a minute, man.

[MUSIC ON RADIO]

- [GRUNTING] What the f***?

- What's going on?

- Nicky's back.

- What?

And so am I.

What the f*** just happened?

Fate! Fate is

what just happened.

[CRUNCH ON PHONE] Uncle Paddy.

How are you, lad?

Still in the land of the living?

You wanted to know when I was

ready to go back to work.

Well, I'm ready.

- Citizenship?

- Various.

Anything to declare?

Nothing but my undying

love for you, beautiful.

Pull over.

[CRUNCH] Hey, Paddy?

[WHISTLES]

[FRANCIE] What's that?

A Seurat.

If this is even close to real,

Paddy's gonna make a bundle.

Oh, it's real.

I was hoping to get Paddy

to move it for me.

Oh, hi. I'm Nicky...

I know.

Right.

Well, could you be so kind as to give me

and my brother a moment here to catch up?

So.

How'd you get the scar?

Motorbike?

No.

All right, man.

[CRUNCH AND NICKY GRUNTING]

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