The Alarmist Page #3

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Here's a real honey.

It's a .454 revolver...

designed as the ultimate

big game handgun.

It's got a iron sight

for distance...

but up close--

Oh, my.

You scared?

Yes, very much so.

That's a heaIthy response.

Anybody tries anything here...

it'll be his last thing.

I don't need one of your systems.

I got my own system.

You stock up.

F***ing subhumanoids--

They take everything.

You think you know

what's going on.

You don't know sh*t!

This is reality!

This is the f***ing answer!

So you just move on!

No sale here, Mr. Security.

Today, the most

unbelievable old guy...

- this crazed potential client--

- Yeah?

I'm in his house

and he gets out--

I swear to God--

an arsenal.

I know the type.

But you can use that.

Fear of the armed populace,

et cetera.

Yeah.

You definitely have a knack.

You know that?

- I guess.

- No, I'm telling you.

I have not seen a raw talent like yours

since-- I don't know when.

- Thank you.

- Don't mention it.

Cheers.

- Do you know what grows a business?

- What?

I don't know.

Look, I got this guy.

He's a director.

He's very talented.

He's putting together

a commercial for me.

- Really?

- Yeah.

We're looking for an on-air--

What do you call it?

- Spokesman.

- Yeah.

And guess who it's gonna be?

- I don't know. Who?

- You.

- Me?

- Yep.

You want me to be on TV?

Yes, I do.

Come on.

You're a natural.

You have that all-American thing, man.

Trust me.

You're a fresh face.

I've never been very good

with school plays or anything.

You'll be a star in your own time

like that "Where's the beef?" c*nt.

It'll be fun.

- Impress the hell out of the broads.

- You think?

Please.

I was a snowflake once.

I can beIieve that.

- Do you do it all in one day?

- We can do this in one day.

- You do different angles?

- You can do camera angles.

- You can do coverage--

- What do you mean, coverage?

This is Shelly, the director.

Shelly, this is Tommy.

Nice to meet you.

I've heard a lot about you.

I'm Iooking forward to this.

- Thank you.

- You'll have a good time today.

Look, he's a little nervous.

How cute!

I love this guy.

What a face.

- He's the best.

- It's the face.

Can I have the makeup lady

over here, please?

- What's the matter?

- I don't know if I can do this.

- What do you mean? Why?

- I feel sick.

No, you're just nervous.

It's nerves.

- Have some water. What?

- Excuse me.

I want you to go

with this nice lady.

She'll take good care of you.

We'll see you in a few minutes.

Be kind to her.

- Can I talk to you?

- Yeah, sure. What's up?

I could have brought

a real actor, but no.

- You insisted we use this guy.

- Yeah.

- You promised me he's a natural.

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