The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: The Bus from Blooperville

9 min

Hey lady

You lady

Cursing at your life

You're a discontented mother

and a regimented wife

I've no doubt you dream about

the things you'll never do

But, I wish someone had a talked to me

like I wanna talk to you...

I've been to Georgia and California

and, anywhere I could run

I took the hand of a preacher man

and we made love in the sun

But I ran out of places

and friendly faces

because I had to be free

I've been to paradise

but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady,

don't just walk away

'Cause I have this need to tell you

you why I'm all alone today

I can see so much of me

still living in your eyes

won't you share a part

of a weary heart

that has lived million lies...

I've been to Nice

and the Isle of Greece

while I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I moved like Harlow

in Monte Carlo

and showed 'em what I've got

I've been undressed by kings

and I've seen some things

that a woman ain't supposed to see...

Are you okay?

Oh well that was fucking charming

you gutless pack of dickheads!

- Oh f*ck off you talentless dog!

- What was that?

- Show us your pink bits.

- No, I don't think I will.

Now do you know why this

microphone has such a long cord?

So it's easily retrieved after

I've shoved it up your arse!

Christ almighty!

What the f*ck's going on

out there tonight?

Are you hurt?

Alright, which one of you

bitches shat on my dress?

Tick darling, it's for you.

- Hello?

- Ding dong!

Avon calling.

Howdy sunshine.

Long time no hear.

- Where?

- Emergency Ward A

Mr. Belrose?

So how about it?

Bernadette, it's Tick.

Sorry to call you so late, but I...

Hey are you okay?

No, I'm not.

What's the matter?

Trumpet just died.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down

in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside

the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

he leadeth me in the paths of

righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through

the valley of the shadow of death;

I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff

they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me

in the presence of mine enemies:

thou anointest my head with oil;

my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall

follow me all the days of my life;

and I will dwell in the

house of the Lord for ever.

It's not fair.

I've spent half my life

and all my life savings

trying to snag a

sympathetic husband

and the selfish little shit

goes and dies on me.

Twenty five years old

and he goes and

slips over in a bathroom.

He didn't slip.

He was peroxiding his hair at home again

and he asphyxiated on the fume.

I've got to get some space.

I've been offered to do

a show out of town...

- That's nice.

- Why don't you come with me?

I need some help and I think

we could both use the break.

You're not wrong. Where is it?

Alice Springs.

You've got to be fucking joking.

Wo-man is a

unique range of

specialty facial products

designed for the more...

heavy duty woman in us all.

Now this week... excuse me.


How long is the run?

Four weeks.

Equity Minimum, two shows a

night, accomodation included.

I can't just sit around here

crying all the time.

Jesus. My mascara keeps running,

I look like a raccoon.

Good girl. That's the spirit.

Here's hoping the desert is

big enough for the two of us...

Three of us.

A desert Holiday

Let's pack the drag away.

You take the lunch and tea

I'll take the ecstasy.

F*ck off you silly queer

I'm getting outta here.

A desert Holiday

Hip hip hip hip hooray!


Why not? Look, he's turned into

a bloody good little performer.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: The Bus from Blooperville" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Feb. 2021. <,_queen_of_the_desert:_the_bus_from_blooperville_2258>.

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