The ABCs of Death Page #4

Like, like somebody

actually dies?

Actually,

that's a great idea.

Like we kill an animal

or something?

Yeah, it wouldn't have

to be a person.

We could kill an animal.

Nobody gives a sh*t

about animals.

But what animal

could we kill?

- It's gotta start

with a 'q'...

- A 'q'.

...Or something to do

with a 'q.'

A f***ing 'q'.

( breathes heavily )

Actually,

he's kind of cute.

- Yeah, he is.

- Hey, mr. Quackers,

come here.

( clicks tongue )

yes, yes...

- ( quacks )

- ahhh, f***!

Let's kill

this f***ing duck.

Juan, you might wanna

back up just a little bit.

Alright.

Ok, so how do

we wanna do this?

Well, we gotta

make sure we pretty much

kill it right away.

- We don't want it

to suffer too much.

- Right, right, right,

Yeah, yeah. This isn't

a snuff film, this is art.

Ducks die

all the time for food.

Ok... Yeah, yeah.

This is what you eat, america!

You american pigs!

They're the real killers,

not us.

That's right, yeah.

Hey, juan,

We're gonna just

tail-slate this.

Is that cool?

Alright...

So on the count of three?

- Yeah, that sounds good.

- Alright.

- One...

- ( c*cks )

Two...

Thrrr...

Hold on a second.

Can you just shoot the duck?

I mean I--

I know it's my,

umm, you know, thing...

But uhhh if you

would shoot the duck,

I'd appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Ok... One...

Two...

( clicks )

This f***ing thing,

goddamnit.

- You got the safety on?

- You know, I don't even know

what side it's on.

Yeah, it's that thing

sticking out the side

right there.

( both grunt )

( coughs )

Oh, oh sh*t!

( classical score playing )

( flies buzzing )

- ( chains rattling )

- ( monitor beeping )

( marker scratching )

( piano music playing )

( inhales sharply )

( laughs )

( distant chanting )

( man whoops )

- ( cameras clicking )

- ( people chattering )

( people screaming )

( high-pitched tone )

( tone stops )

( clatters )

- ( mouths )

- ( chains rattle )

( squelching )

( farts )

( clatters )

( choking )

( cracks )

( rips )

( sizzling )

( blood squelches,

splattering )

- ( chokes )

- ( running footsteps )

( rattles )

Ugh.

( panicked breathing )

( clangs )

( creaking, bangs )

( thunder rumbling )

( rain pattering )

Let go of me,

you crazy assed b*tch!

( breathing heavily )

What you're trying to do,

can't be done.

Hell's coming down on you.

I'm just along for

the ride, baby.

- Want me to shoot you?

- You can't kill me.

( clicks )

- Lucky!

- ( laughs )

Yeah, woo-f***ing-hoo,

it's my lucky day,

you f***ing psycho!

Enjoy the ride, b*tch!

F*** you! Motherf***er!

( banging )

( distorted speech )

( engine starts, revving )

( bangs )

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