That Awkward Moment Page #3

Because that guy

was f***ing awesome.

That girl's staring at you

at the end of the bar.

Should I look?

No, not yet.

Now.

No.

Now.

No.

Yeah, go ahead and look.

Night away?

Yeah. She was f***ing Harold.

There's always a Harold.

There's always a Harold.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

When I was a kid, I used to open

all the windows in my bedroom

when it was freezing, and just

lay on top of the covers.

Why?

I wanted to understand what

it felt like to be homeless.

Do you understand that feeling?

Just needing to know?

Wow.

I know.

He f***ing looked

like Morris Chestnut.

Who looks like Morris Chestnut?

It is not a good look. Nobody

should look like Morris Chestnut.

Okay, who is Morris Chestnut?

Apparently, he's a great lawyer.

Well, I wrote my number on this.

Use it when you're ready.

Look, is this the part

where we go home?

'Cause I'm not

really in the mood.

You're sitting on my coat.

Hmm.

I am.

I'm sorry about that.

It's okay. Thanks.

Mmm-hmm.

Good night.

Good night.

Hey.

I'm gonna get a drink.

You want a drink?

Oh, no. I'm good.

Let me get you a drink.

What, a vodka soda?

No, no, no.

My man.

No.

Come on.

It's just a drink.

Oh, no. I'm good.

Thank you.

I need a drink, too.

I'll get you a drink.

Honestly, what if

I enjoy the drink?

What happens then?

I'd love to hear what

you think happens then.

I'll tell you what happens.

We go play beer pong

with your two roommates

until I end up back at

yours in Murray Hill?

Yeah, that's right.

How did you know that?

And then we'll have to listen to

your roommate have sex with Hilary

or Emily or whatever the girl's

name is until we fall asleep.

And then a year later, we're

still playing beer pong

in the same bars

with your friends.

Except now you feel pressure

to get married and have kids

'cause you think

that's what I want.

Then in the summers, drive up

to the Hamptons

to meet his parents,

wondering the whole ride if they're

going to think you're pretty enough.

Smart.

Wondering the whole ride,

if they're going to

think you're smart enough.

Because no one is. And then we

have to drink shitty chardonnay.

At a shitty garden party.

And have shitty conversations.

About shitty people.

With his shitty mother.

Who, let's face it, doesn't

think you're smart enough.

Pretty.

Who, let's face it, doesn't

think you're pretty enough.

Because no one is.

No one ever will be.

What was all that sh*t? Look,

I'm just talking about a drink.

Yeah, but it wasn't just

a drink, though, was it?

It was a marriage proposal.

Oh, marriage. No, I was...

Just a vodka soda.

F*** you guys. I'm...

Drink?

Yeah.

You're amazing.

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