
Tertium non datur
- Year:
- 2006
- 39 min
- 6 Views
1
First take out the straws.
The Germans can't stand the hoe,
- the general said.
Only at dawn did Mitic
find the piano buried in the hay.
All night long we could hear the cracking
sounds of lice roasting in the fire.
In the morning we were ready
to welcome our guests.
It was during the last months
of the war.
We were caught in a trap, somewhere
in the Ukrainian steppe.
We were waiting
for the final catastrophe.
At 10.00 sharp, just as announced,
the car of our German allies
drew up in front of our barracks.
Our hope was born again,
our dislike of them, put on hold.
What were they coming for?
What were they up to?
Was it that in the end these arrogant
jerks were the ones to save us?
We might yet see, why not, a miracle!
What's with this hoopla?
Is it your national holiday?
Do we have to shout from the rooftops
that I've come to Ukraine?
To our surprise and humiliation,
we immediately understood it was
no military project to save the day,
but a mere stopover {or a snack.
Eine Vorspeise (an appetizer in German)...
Just a bite at an Ukrainian inn
on the way oi this hungry
redneck oi a samurai,
accompanied by a young major,
elegant and slender as a movie star.
Come... Come on, please!
Sit down, please!
This hare... It's for you alone.
We're having beans...
beans... beans...
- Would you like some hare?
- No, I love beans.
I just need to open my can.
This hare...
We've got... Neither wine...
Nor beer... Or uica (Romanian plum brandy)...
We've got... water only.
Hans! Bring the box.
This hare...
That's exactly what the General
wanted to warn you about.
This hare is trimmed with bullets.
every evening he hunts down hares
with a Kalashnikov.
When there are no hares,
he'll settle for people.
Gentlemen, a present from the General.
But on one condition, ok?
We have to drink this here.
- Who among you has been to Paris?
- Captain Mitic!
Gentlemen, I confess I have French blood
running through my veins.
I studied in Paris.
In the Sorbonne during the day,
and at nighttime at the One Two Two.
- Do you know what the One Two Two is '?
- I know what One Two Two is!
Then you tell them
what One Two Two is.
Do y'all know what One Two Two is?
It's a whore-house,
like our Stone Cross, only classier.
Do you know why it's called
One Two Two'?
Cause it's on One Two Two Rue de Provence!
Tell them who used to go there:
Charlie Chaplin, Jean Gabin, Leopold...
the king of Belgium.
Humphrey Bogart, Greta Garbo...
Greta Garbo...
How's that? That angel '?
Why, don't the angel have a dick?
They don't. man...
Marlene Dietrich, Marlene Dietrich
was into agelation. Edith Piaf...
- But why women... what was they after?
- Women, of course.
The General's health!
Do you know when I last had
Veuve Clicquot in Paris?
It was in '38, at the One Two Two.
Charles Trenet had just
premiered La Polka du Roi...
I also have some Romanian blood.
How's that?
On the female side, my family comes
from a Moldavian princess... Klarenfeld.
Von Klarenfeld is my name.
We are an aristocratic family.
this Moldavian princess,
who married a Lithuanian prince
in the 17th century.
You have Lithuanian blood, too?
Yes... yes... Lithuanian blood.
I also have Ethiopian blood.
One of my ancestors was fascinated
with the Orient and with Ethiopia...
You're familiar
with Pushkin's case, right?
Check my profile.
In time we've all germanized.
But originally we're Romanians.
Look, I have proof...
If you press this like dough,
you see the aurochs head in relief.
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"Tertium non datur" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tertium_non_datur_19548>.