Tales from the Hood

Synopsis: Four short, moralistic horror vignettes (a la EC Comics) that deal with mostly black characters. The framing story introduces three youths out to pick up a drug shipment at a funeral parlor from the strange director, Mr. Simms. As the three punks wind their way through the parlor, Mr. Simms tells them the last stories of some of his more interesting clients.
Director(s): Rusty Cundieff
Production: HBO Video
 
IMDB:
6.2
Rotten Tomatoes:
47%
R
Year:
1995
98 min
96 Views

This is it, loco.

F*ck this, man.

I ain't with this shit.

- Y'all can have this.

- What?

I just ain't into

this dead people shit, all right?

Shit, man. That place

does look evil as hell.

Look, man, both y'all need

to shut the f*ck up, all right?

We're doin' this shit

'cause this here's business, man.

Besides, dead people ain't who

y'all need to be worried about anyway.

Little Moe the f*ck

y'all need to be worried about.

Now, the sooner we get the shit...

the sooner we raise up

outta this motherf*cker, man.

Pass the buds, you little bitch.

Let's roll, brother.

Hey, man, maybe

I need to stay out here...

and watch y'all's back and shit

in case something funny go down.

Wait a minute.

You got your gat, man?

Yeah, I got my shit.

Well, if a dead motherf*cker

come f*ckin' with you, you kill his ass.

Do you understand me?

Hold on, Bulldog. How am I supposed

to kill something that's already dead?

What?

How am I supposed to kill somethin'

that's already dead?

That's like killing

some shit twice, man.

Yeah, like some refried beans

and some shit.

I never understood that, man.

Why the f*ck you gonna refry some beans?

Why not just fry that shit

right the first time and get up?

Both y'all just

shut the f*ck up, all right?

Let's just take care of this business

and move on, man.

Shit.

F*ck this dead people shit!

Now, shut up. Ain't nothin'

to be scared of. Understand me?

- Damn!

- What the f*ck?

I've been waiting for you boys.

- I have some iodine in the lab.

- Hey, man.

I don't need nothin'

from your house of dead folks, okay?

- Besides, I ain't no baby.

- Of course you're not.

- Looked like one when that door opened.

- N*gger, what's up?

Come on, partner.

Got no time for this.

Let's just take care of this business

and move on, man.

Now, where's the shit?

The shit?

The shit that you found.

Oh.

The drugs.

I found a whole stock of them

in the alley.

So where they at?

You got the money?

Yeah, we got the money, old man.

You'll get it

when we get the shit.

The shit?

The shit. Drugs.

You get the drugs,

then I get the money. Okay.

Now, this is all new to me.

I'm not a drug dealer.

I'm a mortician.

The only drugs I know about...

are those that have to do

with the deceased.

Yo, man, what kind of drugs

do dead people be needin'?

All kinds.

We shoot them real good

with embalming fluid, mainly.

You know, it keeps them

from smelling...

and decomposing

before the service.

Cool. So what happened here?

Oh, they say he went crazy.

Death.

It comes

in many strange packages.

I don't need

to be hearin' this, man.

Kill that noise, man.

Let's just get the shit.

Don't worry.

You'll get the shit.

You'll be knee-deep

in the shit.

I've got it hid.

There's so much...

I couldn't even

lift it all myself.

I'll tell you about

old Clarence here along the way.

Unless, of course, you're scared.

They say he was hearing voices...

voices calling his name...

voices from the dead...

calling...

"Clarence!"

Clarence, now this here

is a real quiet neighborhood...

but that doesn't mean

that you can take a break.

'Cause the second

you slack off, boom...

that's just when the shit

hits the fan.

- Got it. Stay alert at all times.

- That's right.

Now let's go up and check out

this out-of-place.

Gonna lose your badges over this.

You had no reason to pull me over.

You got a f*ckin' taillight out.

Shut up and spread

those goddamn legs.

You're not taking

any more cops' badges.

They keep selling drugs in my community,

you can bet I'll keep taking 'em down.

Yeah? Well, we'll see about that.

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Rusty Cundieff

George Arthur "Rusty" Cundieff (born December 13, 1960) is an American film and television director, actor, and writer known for his work on Fear of a Black Hat (1993), Tales from the Hood (1995), and Chappelle's Show (2003-2006). more…

All Rusty Cundieff scripts | Rusty Cundieff Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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