Taking Chances

Throughout the

saga of this great land,

whenever the shells of tyranny

have flown toward our hallowed soil,

we have always endured.

And that is why, though often

shamelessly overlooked...

by mainstream academics,

the Battle of Patriotville Creek

does indeed have much to teach us.

Yes. It all happened right here,

upon this glorious battlefield,

Fire at will!

None of us would ever

be the same.

Charge!

Thank you.

Oh. Thank you.

# Now, where were you when I

was stranded out in this town #

# I swear that you could

rely on me #

# While you've been away

Do you see #

# Like there's no one around

to make it true #

# And I #

# Look to the stars #

# And right underneath

I'm a prisoner #

# What am I doing here #

# What will you do #

# When your dreams come true #

# When your dreams come true #

# What will you do #

# When your dreams come true #

# Another night Well, I

was just wandering about #

# Wearing out the disguise

I breathe, yeah #

# This dream is alive #

# Like some memory

of you or me #

# Till my eyes turn into stone #

# Till my eyes turn into stone #

# Till my eyes turn into stone #

# Till my eyes turn into stone #

# What will you do #

# When your dreams come true #

# When your dreams come true #

# What will you do #

# When your dreams come true #

You're obsessed.

You know, man, there's

more to life than just work.

Hey, Dig. You know, some

people really like having a job.

And I don't mean, like, chasing high

school girls around. That's not a job.

Technically it's not a job. I know

what you mean. But it is hard work.

I don't know what you want me

to say. I love my job, okay?

History is the cornerstone

of our nation's past.

Past! But the future,

which is forward,

is out there.

Old dead things...

Please don't.

Please.

Old dead things in here.

Alive things...

Young alive things out there.

Look, dude. All I'm saying is that

why don't you come with me tonight?

I'm meeting up with this...

sweet beauty.

Car... Carlinda.

Carlinda?

Bet... Betty...

Look. Okay. More importantly,

when it comes to you,

she is going to...

bring, dot, dot, dot...

Oh. Her, uh, beaver? Her

beaver? Why does that matter?

W... Friends.

Oh, her friends' beavers?

Her friends.

She's gonna bring her friends.

I... I... I can't, man. I... I... I gotta

work on my proposal to the town council.

Man, you're more stuck

than I thought.

I'm a little busy right now.

I'm a little preoccupied.

It is a simple fact, man.

Celibacy kills.

It's been medically

established.

Where?

The journal.

In your journal? L...

I got priorities.

If I had a museum,

guess what I would call it.

The muse de "pussay."

That's great.

Great. Do you get it?

Yeah, I do. It would

showcase all the greats.

There would be, uh,

Don Juan. Of course.

Casanova.

Richard Gere.

Right.

It would be awesome.

Josh Hartnett.

Hartnett? Yeah.

Taylor Pork Lips Clamps was

the third major employer in town...

to go out of business

this year.

Consequently,

tax revenues are down,

and we're actually behind

on some of our bond payments.

Edwin Goosewiite,

town treasurer.

Uh, yes, Mr. Mayor?

Clearly your Nobel Prize in

economics was no wasted parchment.

Actually, I don't have

a Nobel Prize in economics.

Sarcasm, you mongoloid.

Okay. Thanks.

Just give us the F'ing

bottom line here.

Oh. Well, we are

going bankrupt.

- I'm sorry. I probably

should have said something earlier.

All right. Hold on.

Hold on. You F-wits.

The ship ain't sinkin',

okay?

Not while I'm in the

saddle... of this ship.

I got a plan,

all right? Somethin' big.

Somethin' extra large.

The cavalry's on the way.

Oh, man.

That is the sh*t.

Eldorado '74.

Last of the greats.

Hey, that was back when

they built 'em big and wide.

You know, back when a man

was just always prepared.

Get your girl so itchy

that she's just dyin' for it.

"Give it to me."

That's what she would say. And then

you could just put the seats down,

and then you could have plenty

of room to do your best work.

You ever wonder, if things took a

different turn, what might have been?

No.

How long has that sign

been there?

What if they had built

all those homes?

A hundred houses would be

out here right now.

It's crazy the potential

that just never...

got realized.

It ain't there.

Please, we actually

got customers?

We got clientele. Native American

indigenous type clientele.

You mean Indians?

Oh, my God, that's

pass terminology, Son.

It's kind of like calling

Orientals Chinamen.

I don't think...

They, uh, wanted three

together, so I gave them yours.

So you better take 68.

Sixty-eight?

Dad, I hate 68.

Oh, sh*t. Them Indians

are gonna need towels.

- You mind?

- Okay.

Om.

Hello.

I'm Mary Born Kicking.

Hey. I'm, uh, Chase,

from the Lodge. How.

Hi.

Uh...

Oh. Sorry.

Sorry to interrupt.

No. It's okay.

You do yoga,

Chase from the Lodge?

Uh, yoga? I thought...

I thought you were...

What?

No, nothing.

Praying for rain?

You think yoga's effeminate? No.

You should try it.

Change your life.

Thank you.

You have to grab some in here, would

you, Wes? And we'll, uh, get goin'.

Mr. Barksdale. Oh, Chase

Revere. What you doin', son?

You leadin'

the gay pride parade?

No. No, I'm not.

Uh, we don't even... I don't

think we have a gay pride parade.

Yeah, well,

keep hope alive, son.

Uh, I'm here for the... We had a

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