Synopsis: Beautiful, sophisticated women are all over Oscar Grubman. He is sensitive and compassionate, speaks French fluently, is passionate about Voltaire, and thinks the feature that tells the most about a woman is her hands. On the train home from Chauncey Academy for the Thanksgiving weekend, Oscar confides in his best friend that he has plans for this vacation--he will win the heart of his true love. But there is one major problem--Oscar's true love is his stepmother Eve. Oscar is certain that he could be a better mate to Eve than his work-obsessed father. He fails to win Eve's heart and is consequently dejected. Oscar's path to his true love is further crossed by Diane, Eve's best friend who, one night while wearing Eve's borrowed perfumed scarf, offers him temporary comfort in an unconventional tryst. For Diane, Oscar fills a void in her life. For Oscar, Diane is somewhat of a distraction, as his continued pursuit of Eve leads to an unexpected resolution.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Gary Winick
Production: Miramax Films
  3 wins & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
78 min

Snap out of it, Grubber.

Miranda Spear, one o'clock.

- Hey, Oscar.

- Hi, Miranda.

- What are you reading?

- Voltaire.

You see, Oscar and I

were just debating on...

Voltaire? Really?

That's so cool.

My friends are waiting,

so... see you after break.


All right.

I'll see you, Miranda.

Oh, my God,

she's totally hot for you.

She's got friends.

You're hooking me up.

I'm not asking her out.

What? Why not? She's perfect.

Did you see her hands?

I... I wasn't looking

at her hands.

Experience, wit, intellect...

all revealed by the hands.

- Does she have fat hands?

- She had hands like a...

Like a steel worker?

She had hands like a...


I worry about you.

Oscar I really do

Why, because I'm interested

in more than websites?

Because you're

fetishizing hands.

I wouldn't call it a fetish.

You find reasons

not to like things.

- That's not true. Like what?

- Like Miranda Spear.

Like simple explanations.

I like things

I don't understand.

You're never gonna get laid

that way.

It's not all about getting laid,


- Yeah, it is.

- No, it isn't.

It is so.

- What about love?

- Yeah. I've heard of it.

It's not like

you're in love with someone.

I knew something was up.

Wow. The Grubber, in love.

Who tho hell is it?

Someone I've known for a while.

Do I know her?

She doesn't even know... yet.

All right.

When do you plan on

telling her?

That's the thing.

I want to find the right time.

Definitely this weekend.

Maybe tonight.

Is she coming over

for Thanksgiving?

She'll be there Why?

I'm coming over for pie.

No, you're not.

You're not invited.


- Hi, Tadpole.

- Hey, Jimmy.

- Home for Thanksgiving?

- That's right.

- What happened to your hair?

- I combed it.

Well, I don't like it.

- Hi, Oscar.

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Lodder.

Diane, please.


have you seen Eve anywhere?

Yeah, she was just here.

Oh, she went

to go get some keys...

so she could get

in the lab tomorrow.

Ca va?

Excuse me.

So, Oscar, can we plan on

seeing you at Columbia?

Leave him alone, Dad.

He's only a sophomore.

It's never too early to think

about college, Daphne...

as it would behoove you

to realize.

Actually, Professor Tisch...

I have given some thought

to Columbia... premed.

Not history?

- Well, l...

- Excuse me!

May I have your attention,


I'm sorry to interrupt...

but I'd like to make

a short Thanksgiving toast...

and then invite you all

to commence eating.

First of all

I'd like to apologize to

Native Americans everywhere...

for decimating

their population...

and basically stealing

this country from out...

Stick to antiquities, Stanley.

No, no, no.

I'm a traditionalist...

and far be it from me

to dispense with any excuse...

to eat turkey and pecan pie

And so, to my recently returned

prodigal son.

Hear. Hear

To my distinguished


at the Columbia history

department and their families.

And, uh...

am I leaving anyone out?


Yes. Of course

Although not here. She...

Could it be? Could it be?

To my lovely wife Eve

Ohh, I'm so sorry.

She may be the face

I can't forget

A trace of pleasure

or regret

Maybe the treasure

Or the price

I have to pay



You turn the corner,

then hidden away...

in this small forgotten


is this old, old house...

How's your mom. Oscar?

She still in France?


She went back a while ago

When's the last time

you saw her?

I went back last summer.

I wish I had

an exotic French mother.

There's nothing exotic

about mothers who live

on the Upper East side

Well, they can be exotic

in their own way.

You walk in, and it's a home,

a timeless home. You feel it.

It's hard to put it

into words, but...

My mom brings me back

the stupidest things

That's not what I'm saying.

There was

this lovely fresco that...

- It's very intimate.

- Completely out of context.

Too small or whatever

There was some...

That's cool

You've got. Like

that look. That faraway look

That's cool


for-four-days thing

It sounded beautiful.

- What's that?

- The timeless home.

Ohh. Thanks. Ha ha.

I get a little caught up

in the whole... I don't know.

No, no. That's good.

It's good to get caught up...

in the feeling of something,

the aura.

I mean, if everything

could be reduced...

to verbalizable facts...

we wouldn't have any need

for music, would we?

You might have a point there.

Of course I have a point.

The timeless home,

that's like...

the title of some great

lost Puccini operetta.

You're sweet, you know that?

So, how are things

at... at Chauncey?

Not bad

Any girls there?

Sure, there are girls.

Well? Any you like?


they're mostly pretty dumb.

They can't all be dumb.

It just seems like they haven't

lived that much, you know?

Well, we're talking about

sophomores, right?


Maybe you should

give them a chance, Oscar.

I mean, they might've lived

more than you think.


You have high expectations,

don't you, Oscar?


- How are you?

- Good.

That's better.

Don't want back problems

before you're forty.

So, how's

the chiropody business?

Chiropody is feet.


It's pretty good.

I stare at backs all day.

You can tell a lot

about a person by their back.

I've always thought of my spine

as incredibly personal.

I don't think I could

show my spine to just anyone.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Heather McGowan

Heather McGowan is an American writer. She is the author of the novels Schooling and Duchess of Nothing. Schooling was named a Best Book of the Year by Newsweek, The Detroit Free Press and The Hartford Courant. Schooling was included in the volume 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die, edited by Peter Boxall. McGowan received an MFA from Brown University. She lives in Brooklyn, New York. Heather McGowan’s original screenplay Tadpole was turned into a film directed by Gary Winick and starring Sigourney Weaver. The film won Best Director at Sundance in 2002 and was subsequently released by Miramax. In 2006 McGowan and British visual artist Liam Gillick collaborated to produce the limited edition book, Le Montrachet. McGowan won the Rome Prize in Literature in 2011. She was awarded the 2012 Mary Ellen von der Heyden Berlin Prize Fellowship for Fiction at the American Academy in Berlin. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Tadpole" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tadpole_19299>.

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