Surviving Christmas Page #4

Yeah, Drew?

Would you do me a kindness?

Put this hat on.

My dad used to wear a Santa hat

when we went Christmas tree shopping.

- In public?

- Yeah.

That would be no.

And in private,

that would be no, too.

Please wear the hat.

No. I'm not wearing the hat.

Tom, you gotta wear the hat.

- I'm not wearin' the hat.

- Wear the hat, Tom.

Now get it away from me

before I shove it up your ass.

Tom, are you familiar

with the phrase "breach of contract?"

- Give me the hat.

- All right.

$250,000. $250,000.

$250,000.

You're lookin' good, Dad.

- Tom!

- Shut up!

Eyes on the road.

On the road. Dad.

Gimme your leg.

No.

Nope.

Oh, wait a minute.

This could be it.

This could be it.

Yep. This is it.

This is the one.

You're good.

Excuse me, folks.

Dad, you wanna lift that up,

have respect for the tree? No?

It's gonna be in our house, so...

Wait, wait, wait.

Where are we going with this?

All right. Let's get that baby up there,

hoist that up.

Get that on the roof.

All righty.

That's pretty good. All right!

You got it. There you go.

Get around it.

Get around on it.

Brian, get your skinny little ass

out of the car!

You got it, Dad.

You got it.

You got it.

Nice one. All right, I think it's good.

I think it's good like that.

Whoo! Christmas time.

- How's it look?

- It could trigger a seizure.

I know.

Wait till you see it lit up.

I thought it was lit up.

Oh no, no, no.

We gotta sing "Christmas Tree" first.

Tom, you take the lead.

- You want me to sing?

- Yeah.

Do I have to?

Yeah.

Would it make any difference

if I didn't want to?

Not really.

Come on.

Oh, Christmas tree

Christine, you wanna

help me out here a little?

No, you're doin' great.

You're doin' good, Dad.

Come on. You can do it.

"Oh, Christmas tree"

Oh, Christmas tree

You stand in woodland beauty

You are as green

- "As winter snow"

- "As summer snow"

- Winter snow.

- "Winter snow"

As in summer's brightest glow

Oh, Christmas tree

Oh, Christmas tree

You stand in woodland beauty

Ahhh

That was great.

- That was good.

- That was, yeah.

All right.

Without further ado, let's fire it up.

Ready? One, two...

All right, people.

Take five. I'll deal with this.

Thank Christ.

Can I help you?

Yeah. Who are you?

Um, who are you?

Alicia!

Hey, Mom. Hi. Who's this?

Mom, who is this?

Okay, what's going on?

Dad's rented us for the holidays

to this eccentric millionaire.

You have a daughter?

Since when do you have a daughter?

- It's her terrible secret.

- This is gonna ruin everything.

- The whole bit doesn't work.

- Ruin? Know what?

Shh. Will somebody say something

that makes some sense right now?

Well, around Christmas,

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