Superhero Movie Page #6

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Think of any number

between one and a million

and I'll tell you

what it is.

- Nine.

- Not out loud, dumbass!

Follow me...

you dumb son of a b*tch.

My name is

Professor Xavier,

and this is my school.

I started it

to help people

with special talents

like yours.

Our students here learn to harness

their incredible talents.

and use them to advance

the common good.

Ah! Ow.

Here we have children

who can walk through walls.

We have children who think they can

walk through walls.

Some faces may be familiar,

like Wolverine.

Other mutants you probably

didn't know existed,

like Sneezo.

Most of our students

are born with their powers.

Some, like you,

gain them later in life.

- Oh, is that...

- Yes, it is.

When he came to this school,

he weighed 130 lbs.

Take enough roids,

you could do anything.

Back up off those pills, Barry!

- Why have you brought me here?

- Because you have the potential

- to be the best.

- But I can't even fly.

Once you understand

the true nature of heroism,

you will fly.

But first I must teach you

the secret

to becoming a superhero.

Hey, Storm! You look

like you putting on a little weight.

Ah! Oh!

So, Professor,

about this secret...

- Well, you see...

- Xavier!

- Aw, sh*t.

- Well?

You wanna explain

why I found her hiding in your closet?

But, pumpkin,

I don't see nobody.

- Oh, you don't?

- Ow!

Invisible Girl?

Apparently not

invisible enough.

If you knew how to take care of your man,

maybe this wouldn't have happened.

- No, she didn't.

- Oh, this b*tch is crazy.

I'm gonna have to

whip your ass.

- You don't say no disrespectful...

- What are you gonna do, baldy?

I'm everywhere,

sweet cheeks.

- Whoa!

- Ow!

- That all you got?

- Yeah!

Now what?

Now how about that, Invisi-b*tch?

Yeah, whatever.

I'm out of here.

I'm sure gonna miss her.

She was crazy in the sack.

Biting, scratching, panting,

tongue all over the place.

Wasn't me, a**hole.

Come on, Spanky.

I didn't even know

she had a dog.

Still some of the best

sex I ever had.

How could you do this

to me? To your kids?

To your newborn baby?

How do I know

that baby's even mine?

Because he can do this.

Sh*t!

Ah!

Aw, man.

Now I'm never gonna know the secret

to becoming a superhero.

You wanna know the secret?

Come close.

Make a costume,

shithead!

I swear to God. They get dumber

and dumber every year.

A costume.

Rick, you, uh...

Oh my God.

Damn!

Dude, you're like

a real superhero, man!

I love the mask.

How you breathe

in it though?

What's that sound?

You put some kind

of air intake in the mask.

Boy, you better...

now I'm assuming

that the material is

see-through, right?

Yeah, dude, I'ma tell you something.

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