Supercon Page #2

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Osama bin f***ing eating.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, dude.

She left me for her f***ing

personal trainer.

I should've known

something was up.

She would go to the gym

in high heels.

Who works out in high heels?

Staying fat wasn't a clue?

She filed for divorce,

emptied the bank account,

kicked me out

of the apartment.

Can't you get spousal support

or something?

Yeah, I would need

a lawyer for that,

and I'm already paying for

the f***ing lawyer she hired

to divorce me.

She's what they call

"a c*nt burger."

Ooh, I've had

one of those before.

(YELLING)

MATT:
Yep, I told you

that wench was bad news.

You're an a**hole. You f***ing

introduced me to her.

In Vegas, baby.

- Didn't you sh*t your pants?

- It was a shart.

Motherf...

(YELLS)

Good.

- Controller's busted.

- Round two.

Go home, old man, you suck!

(MUSIC STING)

Really?

I've seen a naked woman.

(MUSIC STING)

In real life.

(MUSIC STING)

Oh, mike drop.

I didn't tell you

the worst part.

What's that?

She took Bob.

She f***ing took Bob?

She stole my dog.

What kind of a person

steals a man's dog?

An animal.

Yeah. She didn't even

like the f***ing dog.

And she ties him up

in the apartment all day.

Now I'm in a custody battle over

some sh*t I can't even afford.

And what was your name again?

You know, I can't believe

your Con agent let you go out

looking like a special-needs

M. Night Shyamalan.

Look at this.

Yo, check it out.

Ms. Lily's here.

Mmm.

You know sometimes when

I'm drunk, I do two things...

Watch Ms. Lily's Classroom,

and then I jerk off while

watching Ms. Lily's Classroom.

Not to the classroom part.

Just Ms. Lily.

I'm not a f***ing creep. Kinda

wanna jerk off right now.

Why don't you take

that glorious headshot over?

Oh, yeah,

this is what she wants.

An unemployed

former child actor

whose life resembles

a pile of dog sh*t.

Hey, Wheeler, where's Hiccup

this weekend, man?

Rehab.

- Hey, who are you?

- Keith Mahar.

I was on Tex Johnson.

Was that Keith Mahar?

Testicular cancer ring a bell?

- Oh, my God.

- You're the ball cancer kid!

Hey, everybody,

it's the ball cancer kid! Hey!

Mommy, I got ball cancer!

(MOCK CRYING)

Oh, geez.

F*** me.

I thought you were dead.

Nope, didn't actually

have testicular cancer,

therefore didn't die.

Just your career.

(KISSING)

Fuckwad.

- (KEITH SIGHS)

- Hey, Bobble D.

A lemmy for me

and an Irish Car Bomb

for my terrorist friend here.

I'm Indian,

you f***ing dummy.

WOMAN:
I didn't know

this was a gay bar.

Hello, lesbo face.

We were just about

to start scissoring.

McNealy,

that filthy mouth of yours

is not gonna get me

back to your room tonight.

Chardonnay for me, thanks.

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