Super Dark Times

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[heavy breathing]

[muttering indistinctly]

[moose breathes heavily]

Don't let anyone see.

Let's do this, motherf***er.

Come on.

[upbeat rock music]

[music stops]

[Josh] Oh, my God.

This kid looks like he

suffers from Goblets.

[Zach laughs] You can't say that.

He was in a fire, you know.

- [Josh] Was he?

- [Zach] Yes. He was in a...

[Josh] Well, the fire

made him look really funny.

[Zach laughs]

[Josh] This kid looks

actually spot on like a bagel.

[Zach laughs] What are you talking about?

[Josh] This kid looks

like an ice sculpture.

She always reminded me of a backpack.

[Zach laughs]

[Josh] Always.

Jasmine Stamford. Would you?

I think so.

[Josh] She would snap your dick off.

What about her?

Probably.

She's blonde though, I don't really...

You don't like blondes?

Since when have you not liked blondes?

[Josh] I don't know.

I don't know what I want anymore.

[Zach] Oh, wait a minute.

I think we all agree that

Ms. Barron is hot as sh*t.

Oh, Ms. Barron!

She is f***ing ridiculous.

So f***ing sexy.

She should not be allowed to be a teacher.

[Zach] What about her?

[Josh] Mm. [gasps]

Allison Bannister.

Obviously. Obviously.

Anytime, anywhere.

- Anywhere?

- Anywhere.

Son, I'd do that sh*t for the

talent show, if that's what it took.

That is disgusting.

On stage, in front of everyone.

F*** yes! What, you wouldn't?

- At the talent show?

- Yeah, whatever.

- No. I mean...

- [blows raspberry]

Obviously... Okay.

Allison is very cute.

We know that, yeah? And she's very cool.

But, like, we know her.

You can't be saying this...

I don't know.

I like her.

Yeah, I like her too.

Yeah. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

We actually know her.

I actually hang out with her sometimes.

It's just weird to be talking about her.

Hang out with her?

Yeah, like, in...

Like group stuff, you know, in school.

Like in history class or something.

You got any drinks?

Yeah, like, caffeine-free Coke.

Well, then...

Man, I hate the f***ing winter.

It's such a goddamn schlep to do anything.

"Schlep"? What are you, a grandpa?

The cold, it's debilitating.

It's awful. It hurts my face.

I don't know. Christmas rules.

Anyway, it gets really

pretty when it snows.

- "It gets really pretty"?

- Yeah, it does.

All right, Mom. We're going out for a bit.

I'll make sure to be home for dinner.

I love you. Bye.

Bye.

- [door shuts]

- [Karen] Huh?

[Zach] You know when you're

in your maximum velocity

and the gears just don't work anymore?

[Josh] No, I have no maximum velocity.

My power is untethered and ever-growing.

[Zach] Do aliens even have feelings?

Dude, I don't care if they have feelings.

The Silver Surfer is the

loneliest dude in the galaxy.

I don't... I mean...

The Punisher's pretty haunted, dude.

Look, you have no idea

what you're talking about.

Don't even start me in

with that Punisher sh*t.

[indistinct chatter]

Sh*t. Is that Daryl?

[Zach] Leave him alone.

What's up, cock fighters?

What, you wanna go?

Huh?

- Hi.

- I'm Josh.

You don't go to our school, do you?

No. Callaway Middle. Yeah.

Go Cougars.

Oh, you're... You're

Carol's little brother?

- Yeah, I'm Charlie.

- Oh, right. Carol Barth.

I know who Carol is.

Everybody knows who Tig is.

Come on, man.

Tig Bitty Bart.

- You love it. You love it.

- Oh, my God. Stop.

You smell like a cat box.

These are f***ing chopped onions.

What are you getting?

Nice.

Ew. Melon soda? Sounds gross.

They wouldn't make it if it was gross.

They make gross stuff all the time.

Pickles are gross.

- Pickles are not gross.

- I like pickles.

Rate this script:3.8 / 4 votes