Suits Page #3

Season #1

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I would say the ball’s in your court, but

the truth is your balls are in my fist.

I apologize if that image is too faggoty

for you, but I’m comfortable enough with

my manhood to put it out there.

Harvey holds out the fax to Gerald, who is dumbstruck.

HARVEY:

Now get your ass in there and close this

God damn deal.

GERALD:

(to Katherine)

You let him talk to me like this?

KATHERINE:

Harvey speaks for the firm.

Gerald exits the office. Katherine leans in to Harvey.

KATHERINE:

We got paid before Gerald signed the

deal?

HARVEY:

This is a memo about some fire drill on

Tuesday. By the way, you’re blue team

captain. You get to wear a fire hat.

INT. TREVOR STEVENS’ CONDOMINIUM - CONTINUOUS

Leather couch, plasma TV, weed on the table; this is the pad

of a bachelor with serious disposable income. TREVOR, clean

cut, 22, suit and tie, takes a bite of a cheeseburger and

savors it. Mike looks at the bong, shakes his head to

himself and then turns to Trevor...

MIKE:

I’ve got to get my sh*t together.

TREVOR:

This is the best cheeseburger I’ve ever

had in my life.

MIKE:

It’s from Monday. Trevor, I’m serious.

I almost got caught today, then my client

stiffed me for half. I’m sick of this

life. I’ve gotta stop getting stoned and

get my act together.

TREVOR:

Dude, look at me. You can bake up and

still be a success.

MIKE:

You sell pot for a living.

TREVOR:

It still saps the motivation. Look, all

I’m saying is, you want in, you are in.

MIKE:

That’s basically your offer before I got

caught cheating on your math test in

third grade.

TREVOR:

Goddamn memory.

MIKE:

And by the way, it’s your offer on every

shady thing you’ve gotten me involved in.

TREVOR:

How was I supposed to know that chick was

the dean’s daughter? Look, nobody’s ever

going to suspect you’re a dealer.

Trevor indicates his clean cut image and suit and tie.

TREVOR:

Look at me. This is a two-thousand

dollar suit, I’ve got twelve of them.

Trevor starts counting on his fingers.

TREVOR:

I have an office, I take on real software

projects, my clients wear suits... They

give me briefcases of cash, I give them

identical briefcases with vacuum sealed

bud. I’m telling you, hide in plain

sight... oldest trick in the book.

MIKE:

So what do you need me for?

TREVOR:

I leave town tomorrow, I’ve got a client

coming in wants to meet at the Ritz. I

need somebody I trust to make the drop.

It’s totally safe. Come on, help me out.

MIKE:

You know, one stands a greater chance of

dying while dealing drugs than on death

row in Texas. Which begs the question:

why would anyone deal drugs?

TREVOR:

What are you talking about?

MIKE:

It’s from “Freakonomics,” which I suggest

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