Stuck on You

Synopsis: Bob and Walt Tenor are twin brothers, who not only share a passion for life, but also a liver. Thanks to their teamwork, being conjoined twins is not a handicap to them. But, when Walt's dreams of stardom of acting on the screen and Bob's shyness clashes, they both begin to fall out. This doesn't help when Bob's Internet girl arrives in town, unaware of their handicap, and when Walt gains his own TV show with Cher.
Genre: Comedy
  2 nominations.
118 min

Slow it down, Bob.

Need a doughnut break.

We're having chest pains.

Keep it moving, flabby.

Opening night

is less than a week away.

Where in the script does it say that

Truman Capote has a fat, saggy ass?

In the very beginning. "Enter Capote,

followed by his fat, saggy ass."

- Hi, Walt.

- Oh, Suzie-Q, looking good. Ruthy.

- Let's have drinks again soon.

- I'll call you.

Nice. When did you

have drinks with her?

The other day. Didn't I tell you?

She stopped by.

- Well, where was l?

- You were...

Oh, that's right,

you were taking a nap.

- So did you make a move?

- I wanted to. I couldn't get her alone.

Had that friend, Ruthy, with her.

She's like a frigging shadow.

- Hi.

- Pole. Pole. Pole.

Okay, now that's seven mushroom,

three onion...

...two regular cheese

but one with no pickles.

And we have six fries, four Pepsi,

and two 7 UP.

You got 180 seconds,

or that food is free.

Keep your wallets handy, boys.

I keep flip-flopping whether

to go with the suit or the kimono.

Hey, guys, we've got a tester

on number six.

Okay, thanks, Mim.

What did Robert Morse do in it?

He did both,

but he had the budget for it.

We got 12 American Charlies,

seven with fungus, three tearjerkers...

...two bare-assed, hold the pom-poms

on one and frog sticks.

We could do it with three hands

tied behind our backs!

Rocket, I need four Pepsi

and two 7 UP on number six.

Don't forget, you've got two

Diet Pepsi on number nine.

You got it, Mimmy.

Three 7 UP coming up.

- No, it's two 7 UP--

- I got it. I got it.

Looks like

they're having serious trouble.

Come on. Come on.

12, 11, 10, 9...

- ...8, 7, 6, 5...

- I'd go with the kimono.

...4, 3, 2--

- I'm sorry, boys. Maybe next time.

- Thanks, Mimmy.

So close.

You downloaded another picture

of your lnternet pal.

What's her name, Poon Tang?

- Her name is May Fong.

- So she says.

She could be

a 50-year-old circus freak...

...with six teeth

and a set of hairy walnuts.


They paid 3.5 million.

We could've gotten it for 1.2.

I want my drink.

Well, hallelujah.

We finally got our drinks.

Root beer machine

had to be changed.

What the-- ? Hold on, pal. Diet Pepsi.

We ordered Diet Pepsi. Are you dense?

I'm Rocket. Dennis works

at the post office. Need stamps?

Oh, so you're a smart-ass, huh?

Oh, you idiot!

These are my good pants!

Oh, those are her good pants.



- I want to talk to the owner.

- All right, right behind you.

Which one of you two

is in charge of this dump?

Your damn busboy just ruined

my wife's pants.

Well, I'm sorry about that.

You know, club soda's good for that.

I'm sure you think it's very progressive

to hire Jerry's Kids...

...but keep the freaks in the back...

...washing dishes,

away from the paying customers.

You are absolutely right.

How many times have I told you, Walt...

- ...we don't want freaks here.

- He tells me. I never--

- Ever! Ever, do you?

- For some reason. I don't know why.

We're on top of it.

We're gonna handle it right now.

Rocket, let me talk to you

for a minute.

You know, we have a rule about freaks

in this place. We don't like them.

And we don't want them.

So, Rocket,

you see that door over there?

Would you escort

this freak through it?

No problem.

Right this way, please.

I'm not going anywhere.

Don't forget your bag.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Would you like those root beers to go?

All right, burgers on the house!

- He's just kidding, you cheap bastards.

- No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

No, yeah, he is. He is.

- Nice stop, guys. Way to go.

- Thanks, Stan.

Great game, Walt.

That was a huge win.

Thanks, Stan. I was seeing

the puck well tonight.

- Walt, how many saves you guys have?

- I had 11, and Bob had 26.

Bob-o was standing

on his head out there.

Check this out.

Wow, she's new. Hey, Dave,

how about another tall one?

You got it.

How about you there, Bob?

No, I'm cool.

I'm the designated walker tonight.

Got it.

I taste ice cream.

You got a dart in your head,

you dumb sh*t.

Hey, Romeo, how about you invite your

friend May out for a visit this spring?

Vineyard can be romantic

that time of year...

...and we so horny.

No, I checked the Farmer's Almanac.

It's supposed to be a muddy spring.

No, it's gonna be sloppy.

I don't want her to come out--

Seriously, man, I just--

You know, I want it to be right.

- I'm trying to be smart.

- You overanalyze this stuff.

What is that supposed to mean?

You should be talking to this chickie-poo

down at the bar.

- No.

- Come on.

- Come on. Get over there. Say hello.

- No. No. No, don't do it.

- No way. Cut it out. Stop it.

- Go on. She's smiling at you.

If she wanted to talk to somebody,

she would've brought a friend.

Hi. How are you? My name's Bob Tenor.

But I'm really more of a baritone.

Hi, Bob.

This is my brother, Walt.

Look, if you're ever in town--

I mean, I know you're in town now...

...but I mean, if you're ever in town

and not in a bar...

That came off wrong. It sounded

like you were a skanky whore.

I'd love it if you'd come by

Quikee Burger...

...which is my restaurant that I own

with my brother, Walt.

You met him.

Time's up, Casanever.

- Can I join you for a drink?

- Sure.

- Okay. What's your name?

- Debbie.

- Hi, I'm Walt Tenor.

- Nice to meet you.

Dear May,

thanks for the latest photo,

I look at it whenever

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Peter Farrelly

Peter John Farrelly (born December 17, 1956) is an American film director, screenwriter, producer and novelist. The Farrelly brothers are mostly famous for directing and producing gross-out humor romantic comedy films such as Dumb and Dumber, Shallow Hal, Me, Myself and Irene, There's Something About Mary and the 2007 remake of The Heartbreak Kid. In addition to his extensive film career, Peter is also an acting board member of the online media company DeskSite. more…

All Peter Farrelly scripts | Peter Farrelly Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Stuck on You" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 20 May 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Stuck on You


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.