Strictly Sexual Page #3

I don't think I can do this.

You must have a fancy bar

or something around here, right?

Oh, perfect.

Perfect.

You don't wanna have sex?

That's fine.

Your friend, Donna...

she needs to get laid.

You, Christi Ann...

you need to get drunk.

- What, you wanna get me drunk?

- No, I wanna get me drunk.

But I can tell you're one of those,

you know, uptight people...

that I love to help out by getting

them good and hammered.

So, here's the deal:

for every two drinks that I have...

you gotta have one, until you're

either puking or laughing.

- Yeah! Yeah!

- You like that, don't you, nasty?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- You're so bad.

- You're the man! You're the man!

I was 15 years old...

I'd been jerking off two years

straight, dreaming of this moment.

And the second

she goes to kiss it...

my dick just starts like,

flapping all over the place!

And she looks up at me,

all freaked out.

At the same time, whack!

My dick hits her right in the jaw.

You're gonna make me come!

Oh, my God!

- Do you want some water?

- Sure.

- Do you like that?

- Oh yeah.

I go to the gynecologist like a week

later, 'cause I felt uncomfortable.

I know the doctor's gonna know

it's cause I lost my virginity...

but I don't care, because

I was starting...

to get paranoid something's wrong.

The doctor finds the condom.

My a**hole boyfriend was so

embarrassed to tell me...

that he finished right away...

so he's moving around 'til

it got soft and it just came off.

And the thing was stuck up in me

for like a week!

What was he thinking?

You're okay? God, that felt so...

Oh, my God! So f***ing great!

You want a cigarette?

- Do you want some water?

- Sure.

That... That was...

That was thrilling.

I can't believe it.

That was...

Did you like that?

You okay?

Want a cigarette?

Here, here's a cigarette.

So, should we?

- I don't know.

- Yeah, you do.

You know, I've never ever...

ever had a one-night stand.

You're the first girl

who's told me that...

who I believe it's true.

- Alright.

- Alright.

I'm sorry.

Everything tickles.

I'm sorry.

I don't think I can do this.

Okay.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

How often... do you think men cry?

What the f*** kind

of f***ed up question is that?

Well, I'm writing this character...

and I was just trying to figure out

how real he was.

So I'm asking you how often.

F***, I don't know

the national average or nothing.

And how often

do you think you cry?

Never, really. I mean...

life sucks sometimes, but you know,

I get pissed off and sh*t.

Crying never solved nothing.

- You guys ever get caught?

- For what?

You know, loitering at the bar?

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