Stranger Than Fiction Page #2

Yes, I can.

You can if you wanna get audited.

Only if I recognize your right

to audit me, Mr. Crick.

Ms. Pascal, I'm right here

auditing you.

Now I have to go over

your past three years...

...to make sure

that's all you haven't paid.

Fine.

Actually, you know, it's not fine.

Listen, I'm a big supporter

of fixing potholes...

...and erecting swing sets

and building shelters.

I am more than happy

to pay those taxes.

I'm just not such a big fan

of the percentage...

...that the government uses

for national defense...

...corporate bailouts

and campaign discretionary funds.

So I didn't pay those taxes.

I think, actually...

...I sent a letter to that effect

with my return.

Would it be the letter that begins,

"Dear lmperialist Swine"?

Yes.

Ms. Pascal, what you're describing

is anarchy. Are you an anarchist?

- You mean am I a member of--?

- An anarchist group, yes.

Anarchists have a group?

I believe so. Sure.

They assemble?

I don't know.

Wouldn't that completely

defeat the purpose?

It was difficult for Harold to imagine

Ms. Pascal as a revolutionary.

- Not now.

- Her thin arms...

- What?

- ... hoisting protest signs.

- Her long shapely legs...

- Nothing.

... dashing from tear gas.

Harold wasn't prone to fantasies...

... and so he tried his best

to remain professional.

But, of course, failed.

He couldn't help but imagine

Ms. Pascal...

... stroking the side of his face

with the soft blade of her finger.

He couldn't help but imagine her

immersed in a tub...

... shaving her legs.

And he couldn't help

but imagine her naked...

- ... stretched across his bed.

- Mr. Crick?

- Mr. Crick.

- Yes, what is it?

You're staring at my tits.

I wa--? I don't think I was.

I don't think I would do that.

If I was, I can assure you...

...it was only as a representative

of the United States government.

Sorry, I'm just having issues today.

So I'll be back on Tuesday.

Harold suddenly found himself

beleaguered and exasperated...

- ... outside the bakery...

- Shut up!

... cursing the heavens in futility.

No, I'm not, I'm cursing you,

you stupid voice!

So shut up and leave me alone!

Hey, watch it!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Are you Miss Eiffel?

- Yes.

- Excellent.

May I ask what you're doing?

Research.

- Oh, am I interrupting?

- Yes.

I'm sorry. I'm Penny Escher.

I'm the assistant

your publishers hired.

- The spy.

- The assistant.

I provide the same services

as a secretary.

I don't need a secretary.

Then I will have to find some

other way of occupying my time.

Like watching me like a vulture...

...because the publishers

think I have writer's block, right?

Do you have writer's block?

Are these pages?

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