Strange Bedfellows Page #2

(Jack)

I noticed the banner

went up yesterday.

Should bring

a few people in.

Hey, Vincie?

Yeah.

Money's on the counter,

Vonnie.

I've got it, Ralph.

I have got it.

(Ralph)

Got what?

The answer.

What's the question?

You know, me tax problem.

Look at this.

The government's

just passed this bill.

(Ralph)

Politics.

You know I don't vote.

Yeah, but you do know

there's an election

this year, right?

Yeah, I know.

I just don't care.

Yeah, well, it says here

this one's going to be

a real neck-and-neck race.

Yeah, why would you vote?

A politician

might get in.

Can you just listen?

They reckon it'll be so close,

it'll come down

to who can win

a majority of the gay vote.

Gay?

Yeah, shirt lifters,

them that bat

for the other team,

poofters.

Geez, eh?

I wouldn't have thought

there were that many of them.

Apparently enough

to swing the vote.

That's why both sides

are sucking up to them.

It's all about giving them

the same rights

as regular married couples.

So what's that got

to do with us?

Well, the opposition...

[horn honks]

Hey, Billy!

Well, the opposition

has promsed

to change the tax laws

if they get elected, right?

So the government's just

beat 'em to the punch.

Not only did they pass

the law;

they've made it

retrospective.

Oh.

Will you run that

by me again in English?

Well, it just means

that gay couples

can get all the rebates

of regular couples,

and they can claim them

for up to five years back.

If I can go back

to an earlier question,

what's it got to do

with us?

Mate, if I can get

those same tax breaks

for the last five years,

I could write off so much tax,

I'd be laughing.

Hey, you could even

claim me as a dependent.

We'd both come out in front.

But how can we do that?

Well, it's simple.

We just become gay.

No!

No, no, no, no.

How many times

do I have to tell you?

We just say we are.

There's no physical.

(Ralph)

Hey, Harry.

No.

What's wrong

with you, Ralph?

I mean, this is

our big chance

to really turn things

around for us.

We could split our incomes,

claim spouse benefits.

Hey, we could probably even

set up a family trust.

You're not listening

to me, Vince.

I don't want anyone

thinking I'm a poof.

You're on the house here, boys!

Right ho, mate!

No, not poofs, mate...

same-sex couple.

That's what they call it

these days.

Same-sex couples.

I don't care

what they call it.

I don't want to be one!

(Vince)

We'd just be pretending,

for goodness sake.

What's your problem?

(Ralph)

I just wouldn't feel

comfortable with it.

I mean, I've got nothing

against them personally.

Good luck to them.

But I wouldn't

want them near me,

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